My Anniversay - 09/07/96

This is going to be a hard one - one I work on for a couple of days - one that everyone has told me to write for about a year now....well here it goes.

September 7th 2011 - I was suppose to be celebrating my 15 year anniversary with my husband, we were going to go to our favorite Bed & Breakfast place in Evergreen, have dinner and enjoy the two of us.  But we didn't get to on September 7th 2011 I had already been in the hospital for 4 days and on THIS DAY I was going in for my 3rd surgery - but this one was an emergency surgery, they were opening me up to see what was happening inside, why they couldn't get my fever down, why I wouldn't stop throwing up or going to the bathroom non-stop.  As I was in the pre-op area, I remember looking at Dave and saying Happy Anniversary and hoping that this would not be the last time I would see him.  The Dr. came in and told Dave surgery would be about an hour and a half, I wasn't really talking much, but I do remember her looking Dave in his face and saying
"I'm not going to let her die."
Both of us started crying my tears wouldn't stop, and Dave held my hand tight knowing that I was scared to death but, it was a relief to hear that and then I remember, waking me up, I remember seeing my mom and Dave and my Dr. I couldn't talk for some reason but I could hear them talking over me, I couldn't focus my eyes so I stopped trying to open them -and just listened.  I heard the Dr. say
"sorry it took so long, we got in there and it was pretty bad, her ovary was the size of a large tennis ball and her cervix has been turned over to the lab, she has 5 scars and one is draining, with how bad it was she will be with us for awhile" (it took 4 hrs - I guess my mom was going CRAZY - and a couple of my friends that worked at the hospital were trying to get information and they couldn't)
I HATE hospital's so once I heard that I started trying to open my eyes again to ask "WHY" but next thing I remember is being in my room and SO MUCH PAIN.  I felt like crap, Dave was trying to rub my forehead because the tears would just flow and I couldn't get it to stop, the pain was out of control and since I'm a allergic to everything I don't get the good stuff.  An alarm went off and the nurse comes in and tells me the my oxygen is too low and I have to put those stupid thing in my nose - which is AWESOME when your crying.  So I would take it off and Dave would put it back on :(  I wanted Dave to stay with me but Devon was leaving on a school trip and that meant Dawson would be alone and I didn't want that- so Dave went home -which was probably good because Dr.'s, Nurse's, I swear everyone came to see me and he wouldn't be able to sleep.

On the morning of September 8th - Dave shows up in his Real Deals work clothes to say Hi to me and then he is going to work, he asks how my night went I told him HORRIBLE and then my Dr. comes in-
she says "we got your labs back from your cervix..." and .I. kid. you. not .it was like the movies - 2 nurses walk in fully gowned in yellow maze-mat clothes they tell Dave "we are moving her to the 6th floor, get all her stuff together and help us."
I look at my Dr. "what's going on??"
my Dr. say "they are overreacting, Dave get Megan's stuff and I will meet you up stairs"
They get me in the wheelchair and I ask "what is going on, why are you dressed like that?"
the one nurse says "your Dr. should have told you, I'm sure she will up stairs."  The wheelchair ride was a hard one, the pain was INSANE, Dave just held my hand, not knowing what is going on either but didn't show me any weakness.  It was the longest wait to get my Dr., but I was pretty weak - so I couldn't complain much.  I remember coming into this beautiful room, much bigger then my other one - a nice big window that I could look out at I-25 and WISH that I was in traffic.  I lay in bed and waiting to hear what has been found.  My Dr. comes in and Infectious Disease Dr.'s are with her.  They start talking I'm listening in and out - which is pissing me off because I REALLY wanted to hear what was being said, they are mostly talking to Dave but I hear jhlkdsjguth, I don't know what that one is I then hear E-Coli and the reason I was shipped to the 6th floor ...GANGRENE.  I did have the BEST Gangrene you can have, it wasn't in a form of a gas (fatal) and it wasn't in my blood stream - only the cervix was gangrene and had left pockets of gangrene everywhere it tried to stay because it was detached on accident.  Infectious Disease Dr's have NO bed side manners, they are not kind - well the ones I had - which I guess were the BEST - they say to Dave that they are going to try a different antibiotic- actually 4 different ones every 8hrs I will have to take them - if this doesn't work we will have to resume and try again.
I hear my Dr. say to Dave "we are going to need every phone number you have if you are going to work, she needs to rest and let her body try and heal itself."
I open my eyes and look at Dave, I feel pain and very weak, they are trying to shove Ensure in front of me because I cant eat or drink and they are freakin out, Dave looks calm - I don't know if it's shock or he doesn't know what to ask or say.
I remember looking at my Dr and saying "was this my fault??  did I do this to myself???"
she said "no this was not your fault"
I said "I called you 5 times"
Dave said "It's no ones fault, let's just get her better"
All the Dr.'s leave and I'm dripping sweat- the nurse is trying to help me get comfortable and Dave gets ready to leave.  He says he will be back in a little bit and tells me to rest.  This is a Thursday so I know he is at Real Deals and that if he HAS to he can close the store and come help me.  I remember opening my eyes and also hearing my Dr and the 2 infectious disease Dr.'s come back into my room - Dave is not there, I hear one of the Dr.'s say "if this doesn't work we are going to have to get her to St. Jude's and they will have to help her"
The other Dr. says "this is the best we can do."
I feel someone holding my hand it feels like a woman so I'm assuming its my Dr.  she is talking but I cant hear what they are saying or I couldn't focus enough to hear them.
Dave comes in later and it's dark outside he just came to sit with me a bit and whenever he would show up I would always try my hardest to get up and talk, but this night he knew I wasn't doing well - they were still trying to get me to drink the ensure so he was putting the straw up to my mouth so I would drink that nasty shit.  He wanted to stay with me but I told him to go be with Dawson.  So he left.  I was in a TON of pain and my body was dripping with sweat the nurses came in to change me bedding but then they decided not to because I wasn't moving that well. At 10:00pm my Dr. is there, I was very confused - and she took my cell phone off the side table and said
"if they move you or if anything happens tonight you call me, even if you cant talk call this number" she left it so it was on her number which was her cell.  she then said "I promised Dave that you weren't going to die, you've got to help me with this."  I remember smiling and her smiling back.

This is the part where it's gonna get hard for me.  After she left, I don't know how long - there was no pain, I remember feeling lite, I remember feeling better like I was flying, I heard no machines beeping it was quite and calm- I remember this feeling like I'm there right now, I was letting go - it was so peaceful and relaxing. It felt like I had been there forever - I felt clean and fresh, but the biggest thing was PEACE.  Then I heard this sound - I heard it again - it was pulling me back - oh my god the PAIN - the noises - my phone was going off - I look at it and start trying to reach for it but it was like my brain knew what it wanted but my hands couldn't do it.  Finally I got the phone it was a text from Dawson saying "mom I miss you, I wish you would come home." stamped at 2:34AM.  At that point I knew that more then anything I had to fight for 3 people Devon & Dawson and my husband.
 A nurse comes in and starts running all the normal tests and she says
"your pulse-ox?? is very low I'm putting you back on the oxygen"
All I was thinking is I cant go now, I HAVE TO FIGHT and though I so wanted to go to the peaceful place I couldn't, I needed to be a mom and a wife, I had to fight.  I stayed awake and tried to drink the stupid Ensure and even asked for another one.  At 5:00am every morning the Lab guy would come in and take my blood and by 9:00am we were going to know if I was going to be able to stay or if I would have to be transferred.  At 9:30am my Dr. and Infectious Disease Dr. came in and said that my white cell count went down a little, that is GREAT news, if we stay on this path you could be out of here in 6-7 days.  I was fine with that just let me stay here and be close to my family - I'M READY TO FIGHT!!!!!

I have told people this story before they would ask if I saw the light - no I don't remember a bright light, I just remember the pain was completely gone and that it was so peaceful and quite and I told myself that I was going to be okay.
Do you think you were asleep?  No, SOOOOOOO DIFFERENT!!!

I didn't tell Dave what happened that night until I was home - at that time he was going through a lot and I didn't want to upset him more. I didn't tell anyone, but my Dr. - she knew things were bad - that's why she put her phone number in my phone.

I can tell you- this has been a LONG road - but I'm doing GREAT now.  Things are good, Family, Friends....LIFE IS GOOD!!!!

Thank you - to all of you reading this story right now - YOU were probably one of the ones that were pulling for me - praying for me and my family.  THANK YOU!!!

I'm gonna celebrate my Anniversary - with an AWESOME man that I mess with WAY too much, that I love with ALL my heart, and I don't ever want to be without.  I LOVE YOU DAVID FOSTER!!!!!

Yesterday we had a stupid ass clear out our account with stupid stuff like Itunes and Proflowers so I said to Dave "now you can't buy me a present"
he said "I'll give you a kiss and a penis=BOTH FREE"
WOW best Anniversary EVER!!!!