The ANGEL hid my MOMMY CRACK.

The ANGEL hid my MOMMY CRACK.


I went to go get a pedicure.  I'm sitting in the massage chair waiting for the belt sander to come out, and I know they are talking about which one has the ugliest feet, I want to learn Chinese just so I can laugh with them.  The girl next to me gets done and they ask her if she wants a chair massage.  She says "sure how much is it"
"1 dollar 1 minute"
The girl gets on the chair in the middle of the salon and gets a massage, I start thinking $10 for 10 minutes that sounds pretty good.  So I'm watching her and she tells the lady "soft massage" and when she is done her hair is messed a little -she fixes it and off she goes.  They ask the next lady and she says "no" now a little bit of a panic comes into play because its me and another lady almost done and I'm thinking
"does SHE want a massage? am I gonna have to wait for her??  If I have to wait I'm NOT doing it, but it's only 10 minutes - NO......NOT WAITING" <----all this happening in my head
My lady is done and I start moving my shit so the little Chinese lady will ask me if I want a massage - my lady "NO...NO.....NO....you wait" she grabs my stuff and slowly moves me to the "drying table" I start looking around for the little lady, I don't see her, my lady that did the pedicure is saying "$40.00 please"
 I say "can I get a massage?"
lady says "yes, you   pay    her    se-prite" I know that's spelled wrong -that's how it sounds
I say "okay" I give her my credit card and say again "I want a massage"
she took my card and walked away - and started talking to the other ladies - they were probably saying "this damn woman wants a massage and won't SHUT UP"
the little lady comes out and says "you want massage?"
"Yes, please"
she gets my stuff and moves it to where her stuff is.  NOW, I'm 5'9"-ish and everyone in that place is smaller than ME. I get into the massage chair she says "NO - you too big...get up" so I stand back up, this little woman starts rasselin this massage chair like its an animal, I was watching her not knowing if I should help or be afraid....she looks at me "SIT" I sit.  she says "NO STILL TOO BIG" and now I'm thinking (because everyone is watching) am I too fat or to TALL????
another lady yells to the back something.....and now EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT ME.  I'm just smiling lightly and thinking I don't NEED A FUCKING MASSAGE.
This guy comes out from the back room, they start talking all kinds of crazy, probably saying I'm too fat - but then the little lady is talking to the guy and gets on her tippie toes and puts her hand over her head and looks at me - he looks at me too and he says "TOO TALL" and starts rasselin this massage chair then he says to me "you sit"
She says "it good - now" she starts the timer and goes and gets her stool.  I now feel like a freakin GIANT a FAT GIANT.
she whispers in my ear "you want deep or soft"
at this point I want to run out the door screaming, I know everyone is still watching because there is nothing else to fucking look at BUT ME in the middle of the salon.  I say "Medium"
she repeats "medium??"
I say "yes please"
the massage starts and I feel my shirt moving and I'm thinking OH MY GOD MY MOMMY CRACK IS OUT....  I can feel that the top of my crack is out in the open , i start pulling on my shirt to make it stay down I look at the timer and I swear it's NOT MOVING, then ALL OF A SUDDEN she seriously starts beating the living shit out of me, I swear on my life her elbows were in my kidneys, I wanted to scream but instead I tensed up and held my breath.
she bends over and says "you strong girl"
I'm thinking "NO I'M NOT STRONG- you are killing me - and my fucking mommy crack is OUT in the OPEN"
she is on her stool and circling her elbows into my back, -- I probably need this and I'm not stopping her because then I will bring attention to myself and my CRACK, this horrible experience is going on FOREVER, and finally an angel comes over and starts talking to the lady in Chinese but the reason she is an angel??? she holds my shirt down so no one can see my MOMMY CRACK, I'm completely mortified that she is doing it - but all I do is lift my head and say "THANK YOU" the timer goes off 3 minutes later - I lift my head and I look like .....well.....you KNOW.....I tried fixing myself but really there was no use.  I pulled my pants up and off I went.... .NEVER....EVER doing that AGAIN!!!!!

smell a WHORE?????

Smell a WHORE!!!

Pick up Dawson (youngest) from the bike park and Devon (oldest) and I are having a conversation about relationships.  Dawson has his ear-candy or whatever the hell its called in his ears and the music is so loud that I give him the "REALLY???WHAT THE HELL???" look, of course he doesn't turn it down so Devon and I continue.....
Devon- "have you been in an abusive relationship?"
Me - "not the hitting kind- but I might-of hit a couple times"
Devon - "thank goodness dad doesn't abuse you."
the music is buggin and Dawson is looking out the window so he doesnt even catch the evil eye.
Me- "yeah that would go over like a POOP IN CHURCH"
a pause......
Devon - "YOU MEAN a WHORE IN CHURCH"
pause....
Me - "NOPE, you can smell the POOP....so I MEAN POOP IN CHURCH"
pause......
DAWSON - "pretty sure you can smell the WHORE TOO"

GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!!!!!

Not saying Pat's (SNL) a Whore, just LOVE THIS PICTURE!!!!

ROADY IS A GIRL....Stupid Petsnart

ROADY IS A GIRL




One morning I went into the office to get my set ready for work and Roady (short for Road Kill) was at his door wanting me to let him out, and acting sick, so I talk to my pet's (TOTAL whack job) anyways I told Roady that I couldn't let him out right now because I had to much going on this morning.  So he went and laid on his piece of Granite that he has to stay cool, I gave him a pet and told him that I would come home and let him out.  SO I get home and when I walk into the room I always say "Roady" and he comes out from wherever he is to see me, well I said his name and nothing, so I said it again and went over to his cage.  Well he has this little igloo house in there and he sticks his head out and it's soaking wet (ok another thing about chinchillas is that they CAN'T get wet, they take baths in volcano ash and it's called a dust bath) so I completely FREAKED out thinking OH SHIT 1 of the dogs got Roady, because he was hiding in the igloo and wet and wouldn't come out, not to mention the noises....little scared noises, so as I'm getting the dust bath ready I'm thinking..... the dogs can't get him in this cage....what's wrong with him.  So I put his bath thingy in and usually when I do that he runs to take a bath (chinchillas love bath time) nothing not even his head popping out of the igloo......so I lift the igloo up and there are 3 babies chinchillas with Roady.... I was sitting there saying to myself in the state of shock "Do male chinchillas have babies?"  I put the igloo down and get on the internet, (Roady is NOW a SHE) she is running around her cage and wet so she gets in her bath and takes a bath, and 1 of the babies comes out of the igloo (Ugly, Scary babies) and I'm freaking out with her, so I'm reading as fast as I can and it says, make sure that you don't give your Female Chinchilla a bath 7-10 days before birth and then 7-10 days after.....OH GREAT!!!!!  so I get the bath out and it says if they have any volcano ash on them wipe it off because it will irritate the babies eyes....ARE YOU KIDDIN ME???......so I grab Roady and try to wipe off ALL the volcano dust.  and OF COURSE Devon is reading everything right behind me and he is commenting on everything that I'm doing WRONG.  "Mom get the shavings out they need to be on newspaper, Mom get the newspaper"
"Devon I don't have a newspaper."
"Mom she can't have all of her levels in her cage, you need to take them out"
So I run to Safeway and get the paper come in and get gloves on and get all the shavings out and put newspaper down and take all her levels out so she doesn't take them to the top of her cage and drop them off, and I moved the babies back into the igloo.  By this time I was a train wreck, I was dripping with sweat and hoping that these babies live because I didn't do anything right.
I then called an Emergency vet and the lady told me that I have done everything I could and that I need to put a blanket over the cage and let mother nature take it's course, even if Roady eats them......Can I have a BEER??

How the Chinchilla's Came into my life :)

 

 

THIS WAS 5 YEARS AGO...........

I was on the freeway traffic was flying.  I see this thing hopping down the side of the road I have my kids, Devon –12 years old, Dawson – 9 years old, and my cousin Marley who is 11 yrs old in the back of the car.  So I go around the block and decide I can't let this thing get hit. I had been reading books about saving animals, the man in the books saved Lions and elephants and such: but I'm starting with this thing that is in the road.  I see it and I stop my car turn on my hazards and get out to catch this thing.  At this point I think I know it's a Chinchilla, I don’t know HOW I know this but I just do, but I know nothing else.  He is hopping all over the street in and out of traffic and people are still going 55 MPH so the kids are hanging out of the car trying to tell me where it is and I'm yelling at them and trying to chase this thing.  So I say to myself if my husband saw what I was doing right now I would be in BIG trouble, because NO one at this time is in a safe predicament. 
 
I get back into my car and as I go to shut my door I see his little face look up at me and twitch his little nose.  All of a sudden all the doors bust open because the kids know that I'm leaving and they are not letting that happen.  Now all the doors are open everyone BUT Devon is out of the car because, like his dad he is Mr. Safety.  Marley has her camera phone and is trying to take pictures but every time it comes near her she screams as loud as she can.  Dawson is running around the truck like a freakin crazy man Devon is hanging out of every window trying to tell us where he was and all I'm thinking is if my husband saw me I would be in trouble and people were STILL going 55 MPH.  All of a sudden I just picked it up and told everyone to get into the car.  We piled in and I say, "don't tell your dad what just happened or I will be in trouble". 
Dave passes me on the other side.  Not, knowing that he had passed by I call him and say
”I found a Chinchilla"
and he said "how I just passed you" 
Huh...... Huh "it was running on the freeway"
"how did you catch him?"
"well I had to stop the car and I know I'm in trouble but he is SOOOO cute"
he says "what's a Chinchilla some kind of lizard?"
"Dave I don't think I would be chasing a LIZARD down the freeway"
I let him go because I suppose to be meeting my Aunt at Wal-Mart because she was taking the kids to my moms. 
Marley says "I will hold it (because my other cousin (Amanda) Marley's sister has rats)  I hold my sister's rats all the time" 
"OK!!!!, I'm going to run in to Wal-mart and grab something to put it in, whatever you do don't let it go in my truck"
So while I'm running threw Wal-Mart Devon is quick behind me so quick that he steps on the back of my flip-flop and I go flying, lucky catching myself before I hit the floor, I whipped my head around so fast and gave him the "back off SUCKER" look.  Then I said "please go get a cart and meet me at the pet part,"  I start a little bit of a jog to get there and Devon is soon to follow.  I'm looking for things that have Chinchilla's on it....like houses, food ....anything.  NOTHING!!!!  So Devon starts in on me
"Mom you need to hurry"
"I know Devon, I'm going to call Aunt Shelly and let her know what's going on"  and I'm thinking she will tell me what to get she baby-sits the rats all the time.  SO I tell her the brief story and all she says is
"where is it NOW"
"Marley has it in the car"  Holy Crap wrong thing to say, my aunt is a little bit on the LOUD-DRAMA side of things.
"I can't believe you are letting my daughter hold that thing, are you sure it's a Chinchilla?"  I had nothing...... I start thinking “am I sure not really, oh my what did I just pick up out of the road”.  As I'm thinking this she is yelling "it might have rabies, or some kind of disease and you let my daughter hold it?....I'll be there in a minute."
Devon is now just staring because he heard Everything she had just said.  "Now what?" he says to me
I then grabbed a big aquarium asked the guy in the isle what do you feed a Chinchilla and he gave me freakin gerbil food and we started running again.
In my head I'm thinking what if it has rabies or a disease, am I stupid, has it bit her and the biggest question of all is ....Did it bite her and she let it go in my truck!!!!
I get to the car and everyone is fine.
My Aunt comes as Dawson is petting it to sleep and says how cute it is and leaves with the kids.  But before she leaves she says "what are you going to name it?"
Devon says "road kill"  everyone starts laughing,
So it's me and Road Kill and I take him to Petsmart they tell me it's a boy and ALL the stuff I need, which is a lot!!!!  But he is still sleeping a lot and just letting everyone hold him, The lady says to me "you need a cage"
Earlier my aunt had called and said I found a cage for $5 at a garage sale do you want it?"
"Yes"
I tell the lady "No cage I have one on its way"
"When are you going to have it because this won't hold him, they jump 5 ft into the air, they are in the Kangaroo family."
"No this will work for now, Thanks"
Dave comes home and all he says is "that's an overgrown RAT” He barely touches him and we leave for dinner with him in his aquarium and the door to the office shut "JUST IN CASE"
When we got home the office was a MESS he obviously felt better and decided to check everything out.  I had POOP everywhere and still after 2 weeks I was finding it. 

A little about me.......

Hello my name is Megan, my life is this, I have a husband of almost 16 years, 2 boys, 17 & 14, 4 saint Bernards House 7?? (who was left in a foreclosure) and Luma 3??? (was given to the Saint Bernard rescue due to a divorce), DJ 5 months - to help me get through the loss of my beloved Titan that passed suddenly Aug 22, 2011 & Gunny 8? my foster dog (stray??). 3 Chinchillas, Zena, Stuart Little & Baby Grey a couple of fish, (1 died last night so I need to go get another one). My punctuation on my blog will probably not be perfect, but I'm NO WHERE close to being an English major.  I'm gonna write about what happens in my day, sometimes I will use BAD words, but that is who I AM!!! I'm 33 years old, not really- but I liked 33 so I'm staying there.  It gets me into trouble sometimes when I'm at the Dr.'s office and they say "how old are you" and right off the bat I lie and say "33" and they look at me like - damn woman you just lied to my face, they correct me "hum, well that doesn't match with the year on this paper" I look confused "well what does that say?"  I have 2 teenagers, this makes life....HUM.....LOUD???  This one is a screamer, but don't get all crazy with that, they don't listen to my screaming anyways.  OK well signing off for now, we shall see how this goes....

~Tales of a 30-something

So you crashed the truck for NOTHING????

I LOVE cows, rabbits, bulls, horse, dogs, deer, moose, elk.....you get what I'm saying????  I talk to animals - let's see if I can describe this better - if the cows by my house are by the fence I will roll down the window to talk to them.  If I'm at a light and I see prairie dogs - I roll down the window and say "HI" to them.  I was driving by the prairie dog community -  3 guys with a big truck and a tube  were shoving the tube down into this hole - what I SAW were 3 BIG HUGE BULLIES sucking our prairie dog community, and the light was green so I couldn't stop and ask. So I honked and they looked up at me - my windows were up. I wasn't thinking, I was yelling and they had NO CLUE what I was saying, I ran right up into the median, and my wheel made a bad sound.  I look back and they are all still staring at the crazy lady that is yelling through her windows and almost crashed her truck.  Now the truck is wobbling so I had to tell Dave...UGH!!!!
Me- "Hi honey" waiting to see what mood he is in
Dave- "Hi honey, how are you?"
Me- he is in a good mood "Well, you know how I LOVE the prairie dogs?"
Dave "Yes! WHY??? Did one try and commit suicide again?" I had called Dave last week because a prairie dog had ran into the street and his family and friends were on the side of the street yelling at him (this is NOT A JOKE) trying to get him to come back home - I don't know what happened I couldn't bare to go back and look - TO ME - they talked him back and everyone went and had a prairie dog meeting.
Me- "NO THIS IS WAYYYYYYYYY WORSE"
Dave - "what??"
Me - "these guys are in the field pumping them out of the ground with a big truck and tube."
Dave "are you sure"
Me- "YES, I was yelling at the the men and I ran up the median - where are they going to take my prair........"
Dave "WAIT WHAT????  Go back to running up the median"
Me- :( DAMNIT " I wasn't looking and I ran the truck up and over the median - it's a little wobbly"
Dave - "what's a LITTLE WOBBLY??"
Me - "the steering wheel is shaking a little"
Dave "DAMNIT WOMAN (that's my second name) what the hell are you doing?"
Me - "It's fine...think about the PRAIRIE DOGS THAT ARE BEING PUMPED OUT OF THE GROUND!!!!!"
Dave "I don't give a shit about them...."
Me - "HUGE GASP - REALLY DAVE????  REALLY????"
Dave - "dont drive the truck until I get home"
Me - "PFTTTTTT - FINE!!!!"
I go home and wait for him to come home from work.  He's not in a good mood and frankly I'm not either because he doesn't care about the little community that I see everyday I drive by.  He tells me to go get it fixed in the morning and "PAY ATTENTION"
I go in the morning and get the tire fixed, and decide to drive by the scene of this horrible crime..... and they were there -all of my little prairie dogs were eating the grass and the babies were hiding and I was happy :) the workers were putting in some water pipe or something, I was gonna call Dave and tell him - but he doesn't like the prairie dog community so I DIDN'T.  Few WEEKS later we were driving by and I rolled down my window to say "HI"
Dave - "I thought you said they all got sucked up."
Me - "yes, that's what you would've liked RIGHT???"
Dave - "WHAT???"
Me - "you don't like them so I didn't tell you that they weren't sucked up"
Dave "so you crashed the truck for nothing?"
Me- "yep!!!"
Dave "DAMN WOMAN"

Look at that picture....they are SO DAMN CUTE!!!

MY DEAREST FRIENDS.

CHUCK.....CHUCK the stupid F&%K!!!

Sometime in 2007

 

We went tubing down the Arkansas River in Pueblo.

So a couple of weeks ago I was reading the Gazette, it showed a guy floating down the river with NO cares in the world and I thought to myself WOW my family would LOVE that!!!!   I told my neighbor about it and she said "lets do it on Tues. morning I have a dentist appointment at 3:30 I should make it back by then, OKAY!!! " 

 Tues. morning is here Dave says "call Debbie we need to go early because it's going to be 105 degrees in Pueblo and we want to get down there early."

I call Debbie KNOWING that she is NOT a morning person, and it's 7:15ish..... she answers the phone and I just start talking not knowing that she is still asleep, at the end of me talking she says "what time?"
I said "Dave wants to leave by 8:15, it's going to be HOT today"
she says "ok "...with a grumble and we hang up
So, I start reading the article again and I realize that it says that they only rent tubes on Sat. & Sun.  I call the number on the paper, some guy answers the phone like I woke him up.....I said "Hello I must have the wrong number I'm looking for the Nature Center."
He say "No..no...no you got the Nature Center."
"Did I wake you up?"  I said
"yeah, that's ok, if you are reading out of the Gazette they have the wrong directions."  he then tells me the right ones....
and I say "so are you renting tubes today?"
"oh yeah, I'll be there at 10:00" he says still half asleep.
"ok we will be there."  I said VERY excited about my day!!!  But when I read the article some more I realized that there was NO shuttle so you had 3 options, have another car there, rent a bike or walk back!!!!  Debbie is going so we will have 2 cars!!!
The phone rings "what did you say to me a minute ago?"  Debbie says now a little bit more awake but not really.
"I said we have to leave at 8:15."
" go without us".....then at least 50 reasons why she wasn't going
I say back to her "ok....we will leave at 8:30 tell your kids to get going and we will leave then."  after tackling all the 50 objections she said , she would be at our house at 8:30.

When she arrives I know that she is going to be cranking, she is not a morning person, just like I get cranking at night because I'm not a night person.  All she says to me with her head down and scooting her shoes up the driveway is "really 7:15AM ?"  (that's when I called her the 1st time)

We drive down there NO problems everyone in our car is singing and Debbie is behind us and we are flying down the Highway NO traffic, life is GOOD!!  We get there at 9:40ish and we ask some lady where the rentals are, she tells us and says "I will go call Chuck he is always late."  but I'm thinking well sister I already called him this morning I woke him up he will be here!!!!

10:15 Chuck finally  shows up.  Debbie and I both see the ankle bracelet that he is wearing,  Now let me set this up a little bit.  Debbie and I have NO patients at all and when you have 2 women that are not patient, 4 boys and then Dave who is talking to anyone and everyone that comes by, sitting in front of the garage waiting for Chuck for 35 minutes things aren't looking to good for Chuck!!!!.  Not to mention there is 4 people in front of us and then now a crowd forming waiting for Chuck.  Chuck opens this little garage,  it has so much shit in it that he can't walk in he is taking things out 1 at a time to get to the tubes, Dave knows that I'm going to open my mouth at some point so to avoid that he offers to help and Chuck says no.  Okay so the people in front of us is 4 tubes.......we are 7 tubes.  Chuck figures out he doesn't have enough tubes so he walks back to his van and gets more tubes.  Now I'm mad......if you are running a business and people are paying for tubes damnit have your shit ready at 10:00.

So now he is getting air in all of these tubes, which seems like forever, the kids are now fighting on the play ground with some other kids and rocks are flying everywhere.  So Debbie starts yelling at them to knock it off and I'm sitting there calling Chuck a lot of BAD words.  He finally gives us our tubes and then starts telling us what to watch out for, but he has NO ones attention because now it's 11:15 and we are hot and pissed off!!!!  So Dave says he has a way to get all the tubes on the suburban and tie them off, well after that kicks his ass for about 10 minutes in the HOT....HOT parking lot, he gets it where he wants it and one of the tubes POP!!!!  All you hear is air hissing, I said the tube just popped.......Oh my gosh, you have never heard so many bad words fly out of my husband mouth, and I'm not talkin under his breath, he was SCREAMING them!!!!  We untie everything and get that one out of the middle, Debbie takes it back to Chuck.  Dave and I get the tubes tied back up and we drive over to where Debbie is.  Chuck is re-patching it AGAIN!!!!  It is now 11:45 we get the tube from Chuck and we are all now dieing from the heat.  We pile in the truck ....and you can hear the air coming out of the tube, I now wanted to hurt Chuck in VERY bad ways.  Debbie say "I don't think I'm making my dentist appt."  So Dave drives to town and goes to Discount Tire....NO TUBES!!!  We then go to Auto Nation or something and he gets the tube, we then go to the gas station and blow it up, put it into the car and we are now on our way!!!!  Dave's the MAN. 

We get to the "put in"  Dave ties everyone up who wants to be tied up...which is Dave, Matthew & Andrew.  Dawson can do it on his own and Devon well ......Devon should do it on his own!  Oh...Oh....Oh don't forget the cooler that Dave had to bring, that now has water. pop and a Ziploc bag of cherries with the keys to both cars in it!  Off we go it was very pleasant, you know the usual Devon whining because we are going faster then him Dawson getting upset because we are leaving his brother....the stuff that you can block out and lay your head back and get some sun.  The 7 of us are floating and Debbie kind-of falls back and she is sunbathing in her tube, I have Devon close to me and Dave is tied up to the 3 boys (Dawson wanted to get tied up because it was a little scary in some parts).

 I see a tree in the water and I mean the whole tree, I don't remember Chuck talking about a tree, so I start yelling "tree.....tree"  I then look at Devon and say "paddle"  all of us start paddling except for Debbie who is catching the rays, the water started flowing really fast and I was looking back at Dave and knew that there was NO way he would get those boys away from the tree.  At this point we are all screaming and I can see Debbie pick her head up, Devon is crying and screaming VERY loudly and then we hit the tree Dave hits first and all the boys are yelling, all of a sudden "BANG" Dave's tube pops, and then I yell at Devon "don't hit the tree," so he puts his hands out and is crying the other boys start crying and Debbie is trying to get to us.  Dave was screaming stuff at me but the water was so strong that it kept pulling me down and Devon was out of control at this time, I hear this small voice come up "everyone calm down it's ok" Debbie says to Dave, once I heard her voice I no longer listened to what was happening over there I had to figure out how to get Devon out of here.  I started feeling around the tree, "Devon I feel a branch, put your tube over the tree and hold on to it, then climb on the branch and get yourself over the tree." 
"I can't do it....I can't do it"  he says
I looked at him and said "there is NO other way."  So I helped him up trying to keep my head up because I'm now in the middle of the tube and the water is pulling on me hard.  He gets over and in the tube, "I tell him to calm down and don't let go of the tree until I tell you to, everything is going to be OK."  I then realize that Dave has taken the kids out of the tree and has got them to a safe place, Debbie is now in the tree holding the cooler and is stuck not on the tree but if you don't know Debbie she is 5"2' and under a 100lbs so she is holding on to the cooler with her life and can't get out of the tree branches, so I pull myself to her and she says "we have to get Dave's tube out of the tree."  I start pulling on the tube Dave is yelling at me "I'm coming just get out of the tree."  I finally get the tube out, Dave says "go under that branch" so I went under the branch and I was free I yelled at Devon to let go and Debbie then went under the branch.  Dave jumped into the water to catch us because we were still going pretty fast, he grabbed the cooler from Debbie and Devon wasn't paddling over to the side, so I went to him he was still crying so he couldn't paddle.  Dave had to swim to get us because we were passing him.  He gave me the cooler and grabbed the tubes and tried to stop us, I flipped over and tried to help but when I did that the cooler opened and all of our waters, pops and cherries with keys started floating down the river, I started screaming "David....David"  Devon reached his hand out and got the bag of cherries not even knowing that the keys were in the bag just that "oh moms cherries"
We were all OK now, very tired and really trying to figure out what just happened, we rearranged the tubing and put Matthew on Debbie and down we went again.  We got to the end at 2:40 this was a very long day.  The kids all had their own story of what happened and Dave admitted to me that he really thought that it wasn't going to be good after we hit the tree, he thought we were going to have to be rescued.  Andrew said that he thought we were going to die FOR SURE.  Devon said that he would NEVER do that again. Matthew and Dawson both said that they would do it again. and for Debbie and I.......we said we are getting our own tubes, because we NEVER want to see Chuck the stupid FUCK again!!!!  EVER!!!!  We got home at 5:00 now it's time for this day to end......Thank the good lord for that!!!!!

Don't discuss "MOMMY PORN" in the middle of Costco...

Go to the store to get my LAST “shades of GREY” book, and the guy at the register decides that he wants to ask questions about the book….OH MY GOD ……REALLY??? You want to talk about THIS book??? he says “so is it everything THEY say it is??”
OH SHIT “well – I guess it depends on who you are talking too”
he looks at me puzzled “do you think I would get into trouble if my girlfriend found ME reading this????”
why because it’s mommy porn??? where are we going with this??? “I dont know, I wanted my husband to read SOME PARTS”
his eyes get BIG “You know, we are all the same – man and woman – we are the same”
I got nothing but a confused smile on my face.
“enjoy your book, hope you get to relax and read it”
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?????
 

Everyone swims with their KOI!!!

Dave and dad talking about Dave's pond.
Dave "I'm gonna dig a pond deep enough the I can snorkel with my koi"
Dad-"okay dave"
REALLY???  you are REALLY having this conversation???

Go get a drink, sit down - this is long.
Getting ready for a dog walk, all dogs are going crazy - knowing it's time. Get Gunny's gentle leader on - DJ gets his halter on (it takes an hour-such a pain) House just gets his leash on (easy) Luma has her ball (that's her leash). We go out front and I forgot to get poop bags - I run back in and the phone rings, Devon says "I need someone to pick me up and take Alanna Strong home"
I'm thinking "SHIT" I say "okay your dad is on his way"
I go outside and say "you need to get Devon P. Foster & Alanna"
he turns around and starts bringing in the dogs, I say "no, I'm going to take them" he hates going on the walks anyways so I figure I will get it out of the way.
he says "That's stupid, just wait for me to come back - you cant walk all these dog's" as he is talking I'm taking the leashes from him.
"I can do it"
he goes inside grabs his keys, comes back out and says "WAIT FOR ME TO COME BACK"
I'm thinking "NO it's already 9:30, I'm NOT WAITING"
I say "I'm fine" as DJ wraps around my legs and I cant move, Gunny and House are pulling on me to go - and Luma just wants me to throw the DAMN BALL!!!!
David Foster leaves and I tell myself - I can do this - 400 pounds of dogs - NO PROBLEM!
We head off it's totally fine I'm kicking the DAMN BALL every time I come to it and the 3 boys are pulling me - DJ starts to run so all the dogs start a trotting/run, I'm thinking "COOL i will get them tired fast - if they run" we pass a tree that I forgot House pee's on every time. HOLY CRAP House stops and the DJ & Gunny keep going my arms go out both ways and my legs follow - like a star - I get mad now, and tell myself again "I can do this - just get to the park" we get the park and everyone does what they normally do play, run, chase the DAMN BALL - usually I bring 2 balls b/c Luma likes to chase them and House likes to destroy them and play keep away, but I didn't bring 2 - so I throw the ball enough that luma needs a break and House gets it - wrestle House until he gives it up and now he wants to chase it. Gunny and DJ are wrestling and DJ is holding Gunny's leash so I let go - House and Luma are waiting for me to throw the ball. It's PITCH BLACK OUT. I throw the ball, House all of a sudden see's "SOMETHING" and starts barking and running the other direction, Luma goes after the ball and Gunny and DJ know something is up by the sound of the bark and start running to catch up with House.
A couple of nights ago a black dog tried to start a fight with my dogs to the point Dave had to throw a shoe at it to go away, so I'm thinking HOLY FREAKIN CRAP IT'S THAT DOG, but you cant see anything - what does House see? I grab the leashes of Gunny & DJ and I'm yelling at House to "STOP" he doesnt listen now Gunny is barking and running and I still cant see what the hell they are going after but this is going through my mind......
Is this dog going to fight all my dogs
I'm going to get hurt because I will get in the middle
I'm actually running with Gunny & DJ and now Luma has caught up - so I'm bringing this fight to this whatever it is
I scream again - and this scream is NO ordinary scream this is "I'm so scared that my vocal cords are in my ass scream" the sound scares Gunny and he drops so I let go of him and keep running after House the sound happens again "HOUSE STOP" he stops he looks around there is NOTHING - I cant breathe I'm so scared now all dogs are with me, I grap all the leashes and the ball I start walking home....never going by myself AGAIN
Come to find out the next day that there was a bear in the neighborhood. that would've been a crazier story!!!

GUNNY- why at 2AM????

Gunny (our Foster dog) is 8-ish years old small Saint that has a breathing/choking problem usually at about 2am. you are in your "GOOD SLEEP" and all of a sudden you are woken up by this horrible sound and it doesn't stop.  WHY at 2am???  What the hell happens that at 2AM the dog cant breath???  and is it that he cant breath???  What the crap is it????  I have sat with him but now I push him out of my room and tell him to go somewhere else to die (he's NOT going to die, he is just going to make that noise for a good 5-6 minutes so go somewhere else)  It's bad when Dave is waking up...Dave doesnt wake up for nothing....but it could be because I'm SCREAMING....GUNNY GET THE FUCK OUT.....GET OUT OF MY ROOM.  that might be why he is waking up :)