The ANGEL hid my MOMMY CRACK.

The ANGEL hid my MOMMY CRACK.


I went to go get a pedicure.  I'm sitting in the massage chair waiting for the belt sander to come out, and I know they are talking about which one has the ugliest feet, I want to learn Chinese just so I can laugh with them.  The girl next to me gets done and they ask her if she wants a chair massage.  She says "sure how much is it"
"1 dollar 1 minute"
The girl gets on the chair in the middle of the salon and gets a massage, I start thinking $10 for 10 minutes that sounds pretty good.  So I'm watching her and she tells the lady "soft massage" and when she is done her hair is messed a little -she fixes it and off she goes.  They ask the next lady and she says "no" now a little bit of a panic comes into play because its me and another lady almost done and I'm thinking
"does SHE want a massage? am I gonna have to wait for her??  If I have to wait I'm NOT doing it, but it's only 10 minutes - NO......NOT WAITING" <----all this happening in my head
My lady is done and I start moving my shit so the little Chinese lady will ask me if I want a massage - my lady "NO...NO.....NO....you wait" she grabs my stuff and slowly moves me to the "drying table" I start looking around for the little lady, I don't see her, my lady that did the pedicure is saying "$40.00 please"
 I say "can I get a massage?"
lady says "yes, you   pay    her    se-prite" I know that's spelled wrong -that's how it sounds
I say "okay" I give her my credit card and say again "I want a massage"
she took my card and walked away - and started talking to the other ladies - they were probably saying "this damn woman wants a massage and won't SHUT UP"
the little lady comes out and says "you want massage?"
"Yes, please"
she gets my stuff and moves it to where her stuff is.  NOW, I'm 5'9"-ish and everyone in that place is smaller than ME. I get into the massage chair she says "NO - you too big...get up" so I stand back up, this little woman starts rasselin this massage chair like its an animal, I was watching her not knowing if I should help or be afraid....she looks at me "SIT" I sit.  she says "NO STILL TOO BIG" and now I'm thinking (because everyone is watching) am I too fat or to TALL????
another lady yells to the back something.....and now EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT ME.  I'm just smiling lightly and thinking I don't NEED A FUCKING MASSAGE.
This guy comes out from the back room, they start talking all kinds of crazy, probably saying I'm too fat - but then the little lady is talking to the guy and gets on her tippie toes and puts her hand over her head and looks at me - he looks at me too and he says "TOO TALL" and starts rasselin this massage chair then he says to me "you sit"
She says "it good - now" she starts the timer and goes and gets her stool.  I now feel like a freakin GIANT a FAT GIANT.
she whispers in my ear "you want deep or soft"
at this point I want to run out the door screaming, I know everyone is still watching because there is nothing else to fucking look at BUT ME in the middle of the salon.  I say "Medium"
she repeats "medium??"
I say "yes please"
the massage starts and I feel my shirt moving and I'm thinking OH MY GOD MY MOMMY CRACK IS OUT....  I can feel that the top of my crack is out in the open , i start pulling on my shirt to make it stay down I look at the timer and I swear it's NOT MOVING, then ALL OF A SUDDEN she seriously starts beating the living shit out of me, I swear on my life her elbows were in my kidneys, I wanted to scream but instead I tensed up and held my breath.
she bends over and says "you strong girl"
I'm thinking "NO I'M NOT STRONG- you are killing me - and my fucking mommy crack is OUT in the OPEN"
she is on her stool and circling her elbows into my back, -- I probably need this and I'm not stopping her because then I will bring attention to myself and my CRACK, this horrible experience is going on FOREVER, and finally an angel comes over and starts talking to the lady in Chinese but the reason she is an angel??? she holds my shirt down so no one can see my MOMMY CRACK, I'm completely mortified that she is doing it - but all I do is lift my head and say "THANK YOU" the timer goes off 3 minutes later - I lift my head and I look like .....well.....you KNOW.....I tried fixing myself but really there was no use.  I pulled my pants up and off I went.... .NEVER....EVER doing that AGAIN!!!!!