NOTE TO SELF - Read the label!!

I'm SO STUPID!!!




For the past 3 weeks I haven't felt - GREAT.  I started taking these all-natural products in August and have felt AMAZING until I slowly started to decline, it was crazy, I was having allergic reactions but it would be a HUGE hive here and there.  And, USUALLY with me - if I'm allergic to something, I get hit within a 2 hours span not a month.  I was freaking out because now I'm selling these products and when I take them I feel AMAZING and then I go to bed and cant sleep - wake up feel sick - nausea - dizzy- sweating.  So I stop taking everything... now I REALLY feel like SHIT!!! And I'm being a CRY BABY- I'm not a CRY BABY - I don't CRY.  I went and taught my Jazzercise class Tuesday night and thought I was going to pass OUT it was HORRIBLE.  Thank goodness Jodie was there and took over my class.  I could NOT figure it out. I call Dave..

Me " almost passed out on stage - I'm dripping sweat like crazy - something is wrong."
Dave "you need to go in, because I don't want to wait until something bad happens and I have to call 911"
Me "and what happens if you have to call 911??"
Dave "I make sure your hair is combed and you have a bra on."
Me "thank you"
Dave "it's not funny, make an appointment"
Me " I hate Dr.'s"
Dave "but you HATE hospitals more."
Me "yep"
Dave "make the appointment"

I go to my store because KIM SHAY (holla) is working and making the store pretty.

me "I feel like shit"
Kim "why is your face SO RED?"
me "I don't know I think something is wrong."
Kim "go to the Dr."
Me "grrrr"
Kim"you're scaring me - I'm gonna work fast so you can go home and sleep"

I watched Kim and tried to help but I couldn't :(  Get home eat and shower sit on my bed and go to take my pill that I have been taking now for a year to make MEGAN a happy girl that doesn't want to kill people and then cry over it - and I look at it and it says take 3 every 4 hours for pain.  I double take and realize that I have been taking 1 of these every night and I'm allergic to these.  So not only have I been off my HAPPY MEGAN PILLS but I have been putting poison into my body.....

ME  "DDDAAAAVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE  COME HERE I KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME."
Dave walks in "what???"
me - I look down "I have been taking the wrong pills for the last 2 1/2 weeks."
Dave "WHAT??"
me- "my pills - must have fallin behind my night stand and instead of looking at the bottle I pulled these out because it had the same Dr's name on it and I thought I had gotten rid of all the other pills."
Dave "REALLY???? WHAT THE HELL????  ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF??"
me - "no - I wouldn't want to do a slow painful death"
Dave - "this would only happen to you."
me "no, I have a friend that took her dogs pills for a week on accident and she felt pretty good."
Dave - BLANK STARE
Me - "well now that we have solved the mystery of why I have been a cry baby and breaking out in hives and just all together feeling like shit - life will be better now."
Dave "good because we cant have 2 cry babies in this family - ONLY ME"
Me "I will leave you to the cry baby part of this relationship - I'm not a fan."

Finally 3 days later - I feel GREAT again....flushing that toxic shit out of my body and life is good....wish I wasn't so stupid!!!

The Dance Train!!

THE DANCE TRAIN!!!

It's a BIRTHDAY PARTY for Dena this time, and we head over to the bar to dance.  I'm a little tired and might have said a couple times to Dave "let's stay home and go to bed and watch the news" But he didn't listen and I get my dancing shoes on (converse) and off we go.  We get there around 9:00-ish and its pretty busy for THAT bar.  We are watching this table of probably 15-20 people that are D-R-U-N-K!!!  I mean DRUNK one girl has fallin twice since we have sat down - and not the ohhhh HAHAHAHA I fell it was the ...I TOOK OUT A CHAIR AND A COUPLE OF PEOPLE FALL.  We look over again because of the loud noise and another chair down and the same girl laying on her back and another girl laying on top of her. and I just flip my head and look at Jocelyn and we just start laughing our asses off.  Now I know how to have a good time and I know what it feels like the morning after but I don't think I have EVER been THAT DRUNK.  This girl is going to wake up in the morning and say "who kicked my ASS??"

The DJ gets there, and they obviously know him because drunk girl is all over him while he is trying to get his stuff put together- and he is trying so hard to be nice, but you could tell that it would go a lot faster if the 2 tables of drunks would just get the hell out of the way.  DJ is ready and on the mic he says "these 2 tables are here (and he is pointing) to celebrate a man's life that we all knew, and I'm going to sing (karaoke) his favorite song.  So now I'm thinking "OHHHHHH- I get it now"  DJ starts singing and they all get up and dance, not pretty, a lot of falling on the ground dancing.  and this lady comes to the table and right over me starts screaming at us to dance - not a normal scream - think of a HIGH-pitched whining teenager- then hold your nose and scream. 
"COME DANNNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEE WITH US"
I turn in my chair so fast that I thought "OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO PUNCH WHOEVER THIS IS"
I don't know how I didn't - but I got it under control and the girl across from me is laughing so hard she can't even talk to me- but she sees that my eyes are popping out of my head.
the lady again "COME DANNNNNNCCCCCCCEEEEE - (insert the guys name that they were celebrating here) HE WOULD WANT YOU TOOOOOO DANNNNNNNCCCCCCCEEEEEEEE"
A couple of people from our table go and dance with these people and they are all over the place, Dave gets up and says "Do you want to dance?"
Me: "NOPE chair dancing right now I'm fine."
2 seconds later---- white shirt guy grabs my hands and pulls me up on the stage.  I just smile and give everyone in my group the "PLEASE FUCKING SAVE ME" eyes
they all laugh and keep dancing- so I smile at white shirt guy he says "YOU HAVE A GREAT SMILE"
me: "THANKS"
I look over at Dave and he is laughing too, and this guy is all over the place trying to get everyone on the floor to dance, so as he is grabbing a drunk from his table I run and dance with my friends and tell them how SHITTY that was to laugh.  Song is over we all sit down.
Couple of GREAT singers get up and sing and drunk table is all over dance and we are laughing because one of them is eating shit almost every song.  So a song comes on and the whole table gets up, again crazy lady says "COME AND DAAAANNNNNNNCCCCCCEEEEEE" I ignore her and then out of NO WHERE white shirt guy is back grabbing my hand- UGH- I get up to dance and he does the same thing goes to get another person and I run over to my group and he comes back I can tell he is looking for me but I don't make eye contact. 
One of the girls in our group says "LETS MAKE A TRAIN." so I think okay I can do the "DANCE TRAIN" so they all start and we all agree to do it - It's a girl I JUST met- Gina- Jocelyn and then Me.  I look at Dave like get behind me and he gives me the "I'm not doing the dance train" -LOOK
So I turn around and ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN - I feel someone all up on me- and I KNOW it's not Dave, because it's like crazy out of control hands everywhere grabbing - I look back and it's white shirt guy and as I'm deciding if I can play train with the crazy guy he does a PELVIC THRUST like NO ONES BUSINESS right into my butt.  I didn't even have to think about it- I let go of Jocelyn and went right over to Dave and hid.  Jocelyn came over "WAY TO STAY ON THE TRAIN- WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED"
I said "WHITE SHIRT GUY PUT THIS PENIS ON MY BUTT"
she started laughing - and I said "NO TRAIN FOR ME -THAT IS GROSS."
Jocelyn said your gonna have to blog about that one :)

Just to give you an idea of the Dance train - but not to THAT MUSIC- and NOT with THAT HAIR AND CLOTHES!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6HViP_Mq1Y

Tales of a 30-Something.: DJ is SMARTER than DAVE!!!

Tales of a 30-Something.: DJ is SMARTER than DAVE!!!: DJ is Smarter than DAVE!!! Dave has started gardening, he loves it, he is out there all morning watering, picking and tending to his litt...

DJ is SMARTER than DAVE!!!

DJ is Smarter than DAVE!!!


Dave has started gardening, he loves it, he is out there all morning watering, picking and tending to his little garden.  He his on YouTube non-stop learning about gardening, and every time something shows up we all have to go out and look at it with him.  We have gotten a ton of tomatoes, jalapenos, basil, cilantro and pumpkins - it has actually been a GREAT little side thing for him.

Dave has decided now that he is going to start composting (little late in the season) the mice are eating his tomatoes so the ones they have eaten and anything that is produce has gone into this container, not sealed, not something a normal person would start a compost in, but whatever.
I say to Dave: " DJ is going to get into that."
Dave: "No he wont I'll put it up here." he picks the thing up and puts it in the planting box he has made which is maybe 3 feet off the ground.
Me: "he can still get into that, and now that you made it a challenge he WILL get into it"
Dave: looks at the cute little DJ says "don't get in that bastard"
Me: "okay, don't get mad - because he is NOT listening to you"
Dave: "it will be fine"
This is what I saw when I looked out the window this morning.........

I text Dave this picture - NO CALL BACK, so i call him.
Me: "Did you get my text?"
Dave: "no, why? what is it???
Me: "I want you to see it for yourself."
Dave: "well, I'm driving so it will be a minute - just tell me what it is."
Me: "NOPE!!"
Dave "Damn you woman."
I wait about 5 minutes....call again
Me: "have you seen it?"
Dave " NO, JUST TELL ME!!!"
Me: "what the hell are you doing??  I know you have stopped your car at least once."
Dave: "yes, but I didn't think to look."
Me: "WHAT THE HELL??"
Dave: "JUST TELL ME."
ME: "NO, look!!!!"
Dave: "FINE BYE."
he texts me back about 3 minutes later "IT WONT DOWNLOAD" the phone rings...
Dave:"just tell me, it wont download"
Me: "You know that bin outside that you are composting in? and I said DJ is gonna get into that? and you said NO?"
Dave: "He got into it?"
Me: "he was standing in your little garden and eating out of it."
Dave: "THAT FUCK NUT - STUPID DOG"
Me: "NOPE!! Stupid-DAVE Smart-DOG"
Dave: "I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT"
Me: "well, that was P-R-E-T- T -Y STUPID"
Dave: "well now you have to go buy me a REAL composting bin - they are $200.00 because of your fuck nut dog"
Me: "NOPE - conversation is over I'm right - you were wrong and the dog is SMARTER THAN YOU!!! - love you BYE"

NO MORE SPANX FOR ME!!!

Getting ready last night, cant find the right thing to wear - are we going out after our Anniversary dinner (of 16 years) or are we coming home because we are old and need to get some damn sleep.  I get my outfit together, and of course I have my spanx on -
Dave - "why are you wearing those hideous things"
Me- "because I have to - it smooths everything out and helps me not look so damn fat."
Dave- "I don't think you should wear that"
Me -"too bad, you are not a woman and you have NO IDEA what you are talking about."
I finally pick what I'm wearing we are off to a wonderful dinner.

We decide that we would go have 1 beer with Jocelyn for her Birthday we were pretty tired and I had told her that she had to learn the "WOBBLE" so we could dance at the bar.  We get there and it's so GREAT to see everyone - we are chit-chattin away and the DJ comes in and Jocelyn tells him we have to do the "WOBBLE" and then tells him it's are Anniversary so he needs to play it soon because -"they need to go home and have SEX!!" He buys us a around for our Anniversary and says he will play it soon.
In the meantime I go to the bathroom - I have a very hard time going to the bathroom in public, poop or pee, all the sounds in the bathroom have to be just right so I can go - that being said I think this bathroom in the WORST bathroom in Parker, CO.  I go in there another girl is in the big stall - and I ALWAYS go in the big stall, so I go in the little one, I feel like she is sitting right next to me and I could hold her hand - it smells gross- you can see many of people have thrown up in there - EWWWWWW!!!!  Sorry this story in not about the bathroom at all, I don't know why I'm even describing it in detail - it's gross and the sounds weren't right and I couldn't go - I had to go so bad that my stomach was hurting, but I just could NOT get it to happen, then I hear the DJ as I'm trying one more time to flush, so I would have the noise "WE ARE GOING TO WOBBLE- WHERE IS THAT GIRL???"
FUCKING REALLY I'm all nervous now trying to pull my pants up as fast as I could, but I have the Spanex and I was getting that in the right spot....I hear "WHERE IS SHE?????" ....SSSSHHHHIIIIITTTT, I know Dave is laughing his ass off because I'm in the shitter wishing I could pee, and he knows I can hear him asking for me.  I wash my hand real quick and run out like I was coming around the corner "THERE SHE IS!!!!" we are playing your song next girl - I ran out for THAT???  I put on my BIG smile and come and sit down next to Dave who is still laughing "HAHAHAAAAA YOU WERE IN THE SHITTER"
Me- "not funny because I didn't even go pee because the noises weren't right and now I might need to go to the store (my store) so I can fucking pee"
Dave is the type that can do his business anywhere POOP or PEE even the EXPLODING SHIT Dave can do it in public.....me--- NO, and he does NOT UNDERSTAND.
Dave- OH MY GOD you didn't go???
Me- NOPE I couldn't the noises weren't right and its gross and then I could hear him called me (of course as I'm talking my hands are flying everywhere because this is a HUGE deal for me) I just need to pee.
Dave - just get in there and go.
Me- what if I have gas, I cant go if the noise isn't right
Dave - that's stupid
Me - your stupid....UGH NEVER MIND


WOBBLE song comes on and Jocelyn, the DJ, me and this other chic are out there.  I feel like I have a little more room in my pants - and I start thinking as I'm wobble-ing how can that be because I'm bloating because I have to pee, I go to smooth my pants out and I feel it--- my fly is open, I try to zip it up, I cant the material from my jacket is in my zipper FFFUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!  I try again and everyone is looking at the stage because the birthday girl is up there and we are in a sense line dancing - but in a good way :)
 I say to Jocelyn "my damn zipper is down and my jacket is suck in it and I cant get it out"
she starts laughing so damn hard......
In this dance you move so your not facing the crowd, at that time I really start working on it - nothing - Jocelyn is laughing I'm thinking shit you can see my spanx and the whole bar is looking at us - COME ON - nothing - so I pull my shirt down so I can hide it and we turn again I see Dave looking at me, he knows something is up - he is giving me that "WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE DOING STOP' - face. - not facing the crowd again I try again  - NOTHING!!!  Pull everything down and wish this damn song would end - it ends.  I walk over to Dave
Dave - "what the hell are you doing lady??"
Me - "my jacket is stuck in my zipper and my zipper is DOWN"
Dave- HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - "that's funny - you couldn't see anything while you were dancing"
Me- "are you sure?"
Dave - "yes, I watched you the whole time"
as we are talking I get the zipper free and zip it up....the rest of the night I was worried about the zipper so I kept messing with it.  Time to go (because I still have to PEE) say good-bye to everyone, get in the car and Dave says "we have to talk about something."
Me- "what??"
Dave - "as your best friend for 18 years and your husband for 16 years I have to tell you NO MORE SPANX it makes you look like you have a diaper on - with a pile of shit in your diaper -  like the old people I help everyday - it looks like you have no butt crack, it takes your butt and flattens it - it's not attractive."
Me - "WOW, okay i will never wear them again...
Dave- "I'm just saying as your best friend - husband - as a man"
Me - "okay I get it"
Dave - "they are ugly"
Me "got it"
Dave "only old people wear those, why are you wearing them"
Me - "no, Dave not only for old people, where did you get that information, old people don't wear spanx, they don't care"
Dave - "well you cant wear that anymore"
Me "old grandma butt .....REALLY???"
Dave "YEP"
Me - "Damn that sucks"
Dave "YEP" 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vTIY0xHBUg - WOBBLE
NO MORE SPANX FOR ME.....THANK GOD!!!!!!

My Anniversay - 09/07/96

This is going to be a hard one - one I work on for a couple of days - one that everyone has told me to write for about a year now....well here it goes.

September 7th 2011 - I was suppose to be celebrating my 15 year anniversary with my husband, we were going to go to our favorite Bed & Breakfast place in Evergreen, have dinner and enjoy the two of us.  But we didn't get to on September 7th 2011 I had already been in the hospital for 4 days and on THIS DAY I was going in for my 3rd surgery - but this one was an emergency surgery, they were opening me up to see what was happening inside, why they couldn't get my fever down, why I wouldn't stop throwing up or going to the bathroom non-stop.  As I was in the pre-op area, I remember looking at Dave and saying Happy Anniversary and hoping that this would not be the last time I would see him.  The Dr. came in and told Dave surgery would be about an hour and a half, I wasn't really talking much, but I do remember her looking Dave in his face and saying
"I'm not going to let her die."
Both of us started crying my tears wouldn't stop, and Dave held my hand tight knowing that I was scared to death but, it was a relief to hear that and then I remember, waking me up, I remember seeing my mom and Dave and my Dr. I couldn't talk for some reason but I could hear them talking over me, I couldn't focus my eyes so I stopped trying to open them -and just listened.  I heard the Dr. say
"sorry it took so long, we got in there and it was pretty bad, her ovary was the size of a large tennis ball and her cervix has been turned over to the lab, she has 5 scars and one is draining, with how bad it was she will be with us for awhile" (it took 4 hrs - I guess my mom was going CRAZY - and a couple of my friends that worked at the hospital were trying to get information and they couldn't)
I HATE hospital's so once I heard that I started trying to open my eyes again to ask "WHY" but next thing I remember is being in my room and SO MUCH PAIN.  I felt like crap, Dave was trying to rub my forehead because the tears would just flow and I couldn't get it to stop, the pain was out of control and since I'm a allergic to everything I don't get the good stuff.  An alarm went off and the nurse comes in and tells me the my oxygen is too low and I have to put those stupid thing in my nose - which is AWESOME when your crying.  So I would take it off and Dave would put it back on :(  I wanted Dave to stay with me but Devon was leaving on a school trip and that meant Dawson would be alone and I didn't want that- so Dave went home -which was probably good because Dr.'s, Nurse's, I swear everyone came to see me and he wouldn't be able to sleep.

On the morning of September 8th - Dave shows up in his Real Deals work clothes to say Hi to me and then he is going to work, he asks how my night went I told him HORRIBLE and then my Dr. comes in-
she says "we got your labs back from your cervix..." and .I. kid. you. not .it was like the movies - 2 nurses walk in fully gowned in yellow maze-mat clothes they tell Dave "we are moving her to the 6th floor, get all her stuff together and help us."
I look at my Dr. "what's going on??"
my Dr. say "they are overreacting, Dave get Megan's stuff and I will meet you up stairs"
They get me in the wheelchair and I ask "what is going on, why are you dressed like that?"
the one nurse says "your Dr. should have told you, I'm sure she will up stairs."  The wheelchair ride was a hard one, the pain was INSANE, Dave just held my hand, not knowing what is going on either but didn't show me any weakness.  It was the longest wait to get my Dr., but I was pretty weak - so I couldn't complain much.  I remember coming into this beautiful room, much bigger then my other one - a nice big window that I could look out at I-25 and WISH that I was in traffic.  I lay in bed and waiting to hear what has been found.  My Dr. comes in and Infectious Disease Dr.'s are with her.  They start talking I'm listening in and out - which is pissing me off because I REALLY wanted to hear what was being said, they are mostly talking to Dave but I hear jhlkdsjguth, I don't know what that one is I then hear E-Coli and the reason I was shipped to the 6th floor ...GANGRENE.  I did have the BEST Gangrene you can have, it wasn't in a form of a gas (fatal) and it wasn't in my blood stream - only the cervix was gangrene and had left pockets of gangrene everywhere it tried to stay because it was detached on accident.  Infectious Disease Dr's have NO bed side manners, they are not kind - well the ones I had - which I guess were the BEST - they say to Dave that they are going to try a different antibiotic- actually 4 different ones every 8hrs I will have to take them - if this doesn't work we will have to resume and try again.
I hear my Dr. say to Dave "we are going to need every phone number you have if you are going to work, she needs to rest and let her body try and heal itself."
I open my eyes and look at Dave, I feel pain and very weak, they are trying to shove Ensure in front of me because I cant eat or drink and they are freakin out, Dave looks calm - I don't know if it's shock or he doesn't know what to ask or say.
I remember looking at my Dr and saying "was this my fault??  did I do this to myself???"
she said "no this was not your fault"
I said "I called you 5 times"
Dave said "It's no ones fault, let's just get her better"
All the Dr.'s leave and I'm dripping sweat- the nurse is trying to help me get comfortable and Dave gets ready to leave.  He says he will be back in a little bit and tells me to rest.  This is a Thursday so I know he is at Real Deals and that if he HAS to he can close the store and come help me.  I remember opening my eyes and also hearing my Dr and the 2 infectious disease Dr.'s come back into my room - Dave is not there, I hear one of the Dr.'s say "if this doesn't work we are going to have to get her to St. Jude's and they will have to help her"
The other Dr. says "this is the best we can do."
I feel someone holding my hand it feels like a woman so I'm assuming its my Dr.  she is talking but I cant hear what they are saying or I couldn't focus enough to hear them.
Dave comes in later and it's dark outside he just came to sit with me a bit and whenever he would show up I would always try my hardest to get up and talk, but this night he knew I wasn't doing well - they were still trying to get me to drink the ensure so he was putting the straw up to my mouth so I would drink that nasty shit.  He wanted to stay with me but I told him to go be with Dawson.  So he left.  I was in a TON of pain and my body was dripping with sweat the nurses came in to change me bedding but then they decided not to because I wasn't moving that well. At 10:00pm my Dr. is there, I was very confused - and she took my cell phone off the side table and said
"if they move you or if anything happens tonight you call me, even if you cant talk call this number" she left it so it was on her number which was her cell.  she then said "I promised Dave that you weren't going to die, you've got to help me with this."  I remember smiling and her smiling back.

This is the part where it's gonna get hard for me.  After she left, I don't know how long - there was no pain, I remember feeling lite, I remember feeling better like I was flying, I heard no machines beeping it was quite and calm- I remember this feeling like I'm there right now, I was letting go - it was so peaceful and relaxing. It felt like I had been there forever - I felt clean and fresh, but the biggest thing was PEACE.  Then I heard this sound - I heard it again - it was pulling me back - oh my god the PAIN - the noises - my phone was going off - I look at it and start trying to reach for it but it was like my brain knew what it wanted but my hands couldn't do it.  Finally I got the phone it was a text from Dawson saying "mom I miss you, I wish you would come home." stamped at 2:34AM.  At that point I knew that more then anything I had to fight for 3 people Devon & Dawson and my husband.
 A nurse comes in and starts running all the normal tests and she says
"your pulse-ox?? is very low I'm putting you back on the oxygen"
All I was thinking is I cant go now, I HAVE TO FIGHT and though I so wanted to go to the peaceful place I couldn't, I needed to be a mom and a wife, I had to fight.  I stayed awake and tried to drink the stupid Ensure and even asked for another one.  At 5:00am every morning the Lab guy would come in and take my blood and by 9:00am we were going to know if I was going to be able to stay or if I would have to be transferred.  At 9:30am my Dr. and Infectious Disease Dr. came in and said that my white cell count went down a little, that is GREAT news, if we stay on this path you could be out of here in 6-7 days.  I was fine with that just let me stay here and be close to my family - I'M READY TO FIGHT!!!!!

I have told people this story before they would ask if I saw the light - no I don't remember a bright light, I just remember the pain was completely gone and that it was so peaceful and quite and I told myself that I was going to be okay.
Do you think you were asleep?  No, SOOOOOOO DIFFERENT!!!

I didn't tell Dave what happened that night until I was home - at that time he was going through a lot and I didn't want to upset him more. I didn't tell anyone, but my Dr. - she knew things were bad - that's why she put her phone number in my phone.

I can tell you- this has been a LONG road - but I'm doing GREAT now.  Things are good, Family, Friends....LIFE IS GOOD!!!!

Thank you - to all of you reading this story right now - YOU were probably one of the ones that were pulling for me - praying for me and my family.  THANK YOU!!!

I'm gonna celebrate my Anniversary - with an AWESOME man that I mess with WAY too much, that I love with ALL my heart, and I don't ever want to be without.  I LOVE YOU DAVID FOSTER!!!!!

Yesterday we had a stupid ass clear out our account with stupid stuff like Itunes and Proflowers so I said to Dave "now you can't buy me a present"
he said "I'll give you a kiss and a penis=BOTH FREE"
WOW best Anniversary EVER!!!!

RUN FORREST RUN

A couple of weeks ago my son- a newbie driver - followed Dave to the gas station so Dave could get him some gas, my son got pulled over and Dave called me LAUGHING his ASS off.  I told him it wasn't funny and to go to the cop car.  He said "NO WAY, am I walking up to the COP CAR"  we had a big "discussion" about how I would've gone up to the cop car, and how Dave said he would NEVER do that.

Last night we had my parents over for dinner and Dave and my dad were drinking their beers, I'm not drinking at all - well-my water :).  My neighbor text's and says come over when your parents leave and have some drinks.  Dawson is at the bike park and I need to pick him up at 10:00, he had called and asked if Tyler (never met him) and Issac could spend the night and I said "yes."  I called him at 8:45 and said "can I come get you now because I'm going to a party and I want to have a couple drinks?"
He says "NO, PICK ME UP AT 10:00"
I say to Dave "can you pick them up?"
he says "NO. I've already had 6 beers"
"Fine lets go to the neighbors and then I will come back and get Dawson and his friends"
the lights at the bike park turn OFF at 10:00pm
We walk to the neighbors about 10 houses up and Dave has 3 more beers and I have 1 1/2 and I say "we have to go, I have to get Dawson and his friends."
Dave finishes his beer and we walk home, at this time Dawson has called and said "the lights are off are you coming?"
"yep on my way."
I get into the car and start thinking about DJ snapping at a kid at the party- not hurting him, but I was thinking maybe we should've talked to his parents about it right -then and there.  I called to talk to Dave about and Devon answers the phone - "HELLLLLOOOOOOO"
I say "let me talk to your dad"
Devon starts screaming for his dad -and I get this idea in my head to tell Dave I got pulled over. (I'm so damn mean)
he gets on the phone "what??"
I say in a low voice "I'm getting pulled over"
he says "do you have something to put into your mouth?"
I wanted to laugh but I she "oh my god -no"
he says "you are going to have to deal with this."
I said "who is going to get Dawson?.... Oh I have to go" I hang up on him.  I start laughing to myself thinking well he wont drive, and he wont let Devon drive him I will call him back when I'm at the bike park while the kids are loading.
I get to the bike park and Dawson comes to the car and these 2 guys (I know them, but I'm not using their names) GROWN ASS MEN both in their late 30's- one has kids watching- are fighting in the parking lot - not throwing down yet, but SCREAMING at each other and circling each other.  Dawson says "dad said you got pulled over"
I said "I was joking- what's going on here?"
Dawson said "they have been doing this for hours"
his guy walks over to my car and says "this is crazy, one of them hit the other-ones kid and they crashed, so he told the other guy you're not a good dad because you're not watching your kids, and they are both in trouble with the cops so both of them are waiting for the other to punch first"
I said "are those his kids watching this shit?"
the guy said "yep - great role models"
I yell out "GO HOME"
the guy says "they aren't going to listen, and the cop is just sitting right there watching them anyways"
I look over and the cop turns his lights on and comes over I hear him say "what are you guys fighting over?" the whole gang of people start talking and the cop puts his hand out and says "ONE AT A TIME"
I have forgotten about my little joke I pulled, and Dawson starts telling me what happened that they are fighting over.  Dawson phone rings - I say "oh shit, don't answer it." Dawson declines it.
he says "I'm calling my dad and telling him you are joking, he is probably worried about you"
Dawson friends are in the back and Dawson is in the front.  Dawson calls Dave "Hey, mom was joking"
I cant hear what Dave is says but Dawson says "mom is stupid"
I say "HEY!!"
I take the phone from him and Dave says "I ran to Hess and Jordan looking for you."
I said "WHAT??? YOU RAN???"
he says "YES - I RAN!!!!!"
"honey I'm so sorry I'm almost there I will pick you up"
he says "DO NOT PICK ME UP!!!"
and he hangs up.  I say to the boys "I'm in BIG TROUBLE"
Dawson says "you're stupid"
I say "I KNOW"
we pull onto Hess and Dave is walking I pull over and he says "GO HOME MEGAN."
I say "NO, I WILL PULL UP-- AND YOU WILL GET IN THE CAR."
he says "NO - GO HOME."
so I pull up and turn around so I'm off of Hess (because it's a busy road)
we look down the street and Dave is gone - look up the street and Dave is gone.  Dawson gets out and I say "he is hiding in the bushes"
Dawson is kind-of scared because he has no clue what his dad is doing so he turns on the flash light on his phone and he can see Dave hiding and says "GET IN THE CAR."
Dave says "NO"
Dawson says "GET IN THE DAMN CAR."
Issac says "is this a normal night?"
I said "yep - hangin with the Foster's"
Dawson says "GET IN THE CAR."
Dave comes out of the bushes and looks at me and says "I'M NOT GETTING IN THE CAR, LET ME WALK AND COOL OFF."
I think to myself ....."oh shit - YOU IN BIG TROUBLE"
so the other kid in the car Tyler (who I just met) is in silence, does NOT know what to say or do.  Dawson gets into the car and says "he is MAD at you, do you think you will get divorced over this? If you do Devon and I will make your "NEW LIFE" with your "NEW FAMILIES" a living hell"
I say "Dawson we wont get divorced over this."
he says "this was stupid mom, don't do this again."
"I KNOW"  I get home park the car and start running, I run ...and run until I see Dave and then I run faster, I get to him - "I'm SO SO SO SORRY, NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS DID I THINK YOU WOULD RUN LIKE FORREST GUMP."
He laughs a little and hugs me.
I said "what were you going to do???  you don't go up to cops."
and through the tears he said "I don't know, I was so scared for you, I just wanted to be there for you.  I couldn't get into the car because I was so emotional"
I felt like a piece of shit, I BIG HUGE PIECE OF SHIT.
I apologized all the way home - and when he got home I said "REALLY??? You start running??? You don't run!!"
He says "I know, I think I should start, I almost passed out twice and had to stop once because I thought I was going to throw up"
Poor guy....NEVER doing that again he told me that one of my "JOKES" is actually going to make him have a heart-attack, and then I will REALLY feel like shit.
He is pretty sore today from his running...... but at least he is laughing about it today :)

Really??? the mad man has a bicycle pump???

 

My husband - the guy that waves to everyone that drives by. My husband- the one who married a LOUD person and she raised LOUD kids and he wants us to "BE QUITE" so we don't bother the neighbors. My husband - nice to everyone. My husband - who is trying to get everyone to stop cussing.  My husband - LOST HIS SHIT!!

My husband has Wednesdays and Thursdays off.  On Tuesday we kept calling each other and both saying that we wanted to spend some time together, so I moved my day around so I could have time him JUST HIM!!!  We wake up Wednesday morning and he says "I think I should go into work for a couple of hours, I'm so behind on everything"
I'm a little pissed because I moved my day around, but I could tell he was stressed and really what fun would it be hanging out with the stressed guy???  I said "fine, go to work, I'm going to need your help tomorrow morning (Thursday) at the store (we own a home decor store)"
He says "fine, I have NO plans tomorrow."
We go our separate ways and meet back later in the afternoon, he is cranky and I'm always a bitch so when that mix is going on it's better if I just stay away from him - because we fight over STUPID STUPID STUPID SHIT!!!!  So I hear him outside and he yells "SHIT"  I come to the window "what's wrong with you?"
"can you come out here so we can talk."
In my mind I'm thinking "WHAT NOW!!!" but I say "what's wrong??"
he says "this realtor has to meet me tomorrow morning"
I look at him and say "NO!!!"  I think the FUCKING END... the answer is NO
he says "I cant say NO, they want to buy and she is going out of town....." and I hear nothing else but BLAH....BLAH.....BLAG DEE FUCKING BLAH!!!
I turn and walk back into the house and he knows I'm pissed.  He yells "COME HERE"
"NOPE, you said you would help me in the morning"
I walk in and start looking at my magazine thinking - I can get the store ready- I don't need him.
He says "I will get up and back ASAP"
me - "Whatever"
so we get over it, well I get over it - have dinner go to bed.
In the morning Dave is running around trying to get ready for work and so am I - but I'm really not helping him because I have to go to work also- and I'm still kind-of mad.
he comes running up to me "kiss me I have to go" I give him a kiss and say "BYE"
the window is open in the office and I'm going over my emails, I hear a weird noise outside and I see Dave get out of his car and go to the passenger side of his car and I look and the tire is FLAT.  I hear him yell out "FUCK"
I go outside - he looks at me and says "I need your car, can I take your car and you can get a ride with Kim?"
I say "Nope, I need my car, and I'm not putting Kim out."
he HUFFS at me "are you fucking kidding me" turn around goes to his car and starts taking everything out - and then he gets into another rage of madness and throws one of the things out of his car "FUCK" and this is when it gets good......
He then goes into the garage and grabs the bicycle pump and starts pumping his tire - I'm no genius but isn't that going to take awhile and he is out there pumping away - like a crazy 6'3" 220 pound guy would do - just loosing his mind cussing up a STORM- the kids across from us are now out - and I'm watching from my window laughing my ASS off - he looks up and he is a crazy man MAD....so I say to him "just take my car you crazy ass"
he then takes the bicycle pump and chucks it into the yard.
Me- still laughing
he comes in like I'm giving him the golden ticket when I hand him the keys.  I says "wish I would've gotten a picture of you pumping the tire up with a bicycle pump"
Dave-"thats not funny"
Me- "have a GREAT DAY!!!"

DAMN HORNET!!

Hubby and I got up early this morning, because yet again we have a little side job we are starting....ANY-WHO!!!.... We go get this thing off of Craigslist bring it back to the store.  I go open the front door of our store and Dave is driving around to the back, I open the big garage door and yell out "I have to pee, I will be right back"  I do my thing and Dave is unloading this piece of furniture and I swear out of NO WHERE it feels like someone stabs me in the bicep.  I start SCREAMING and grab my arm and bend over, Dave goes "WHAT....WHAT'S WRONG"
I scream "I DON'T KNOW" I take my hand off my arm and there's a little black thing and I think to myself "is that a little bug?" then my elbow I start SCREAMING and RUNNING (this is in my parking lot at my store) Dave is following me but not running just trying to get me to STOP---- I would say he was trotting.
I SCREAM AGAIN "SOMETHING IS BITING THE CRAP OUT OF ME"
He says " there is NOTHING ON YOU" and for a brief second I think to myself "am I making this shit up???' I stop and think hard "OHHHHH NOOO THIS IS REAL SHIT HERE.....I'M IN PAIN" I take my hand off my arm and it is now swelling and you can see the hole and the stab comes again and off I go....RUNNING in circles but now I take my shirt off because in my head it's in my shirt and it's biting me everywhere - I don't hear buzzing so it has to be a spider walking around my whole body just biting the crap out of me - thank goodness I had a sports bra on :)
Dave gets me to stop "WHAT THE HELL....STOP"
I say "I CANT ITS EATING ME"
he says "let me look at it"
and now I have my shirt in my hand and I'm smacking the side of the building with it - because all the spiders MUST DIE!!!!
Dave grabs the shirt "do you want my shrit?"
I say "NO, make sure they arent in there."
he looks over the shrit "they're not"
I say "turn it inside out"
I watch as he does - nothing!!!!
"WHAT THE HELL BIT ME" as I'm holding my arm trying not to cry
and he looks at all the hornets flying around the back of the store, he says "a hornet"
I'M ALLERGIC TO BEE'S so in my mind (again) HORNETS are the same.  I say "where's my benadryl?" - so we start digging through the truck trying to find it - finally found it- I take 3 - and say "I'm gonna have to go to the ER"
Dave says "let's just wait and see"
Have you ever been stung by a hornet before???  Why do they keep stinging?
I help him get the piece into the store and I lock up the building -on they way home I keep checking myself over, making sure my tongue isnt swelling, making sure the swelling on my bicep and elbow are pretty much staying there - i'm not talking at all and Dave says "you o-k"
"No I'm in pain"
I get home and grab my medical book and start reading - it says that bee and hornet stings are different and most people are allergic to bee stings more than a hornet sting.  I started calming down, it said to put toothpaste on it - so I did, and it said to take vitamin C - so I did  and some Tylenol.  Dave left for work and called to see if I was okay and I had already went to bed - 3 benadryl's and some Tylenol is a total sleep-aid....woke up and the swelling is gone but damn that shit STILL hurts.  The whole store is getting sprayed tomorrow........DAMN HORNETS!!!!

Death by sports BRA!!!

Death by sports BRA!!!

I got a NEW under amour sports bra and it holds the girls up GOOD.  Went and taught my Jazzercise class, it worked FABULOUS!!!  Driving home I'm thinking "WOW- I need more of these bras LOVE THEM"  Get home,  ask Devon if he wants to go to the dog park with me, he says "yes, let me take a shower" actually he looks in the mirror and say "damn gurl...I cant go out like this - LOOK AT MY HAIR!!!"
So I say "I'm taking one too" (I really did say that)
I go into my bathroom and start the shower, start taking off everything and then the sports bra - I get it half way up my back not quite over my head and it stops - DOES NOT FUCKING MOVE PEOPLE - so I start wiggling, I cant get it back on- I try to move my shoulder blade thinking its stuck - NOTHING-----PANIC....I take my other hand and try to reach something - NOT MOVING I'm stuck with my right hand in the air and I get a glimpse in the mirror and start laughing - not in a GOOD WAY.  I cant move anything but my legs and my mouth so I stand there and think
"how much therapy will my kids need if I call them up here to help me out of my sports bra? - WAY TOO MUCH"
I'm pretty much naked except for the stupid damn sports bra.  I lay on the bed trying to wiggle it nothing - now I'm starting to wimp-er and I'm sweating to death because I'm running and hyper-ventilating a little bit.  I look at the time "Dave will be home in 7 hours - I can wait..." then I started wrestle with myself I felt like I was doing A LOT but really I was just violently moving my torso back and forth. I wanted to cry - but I don't- I start doing my lamaze breathing and I try to grab the back - shit I try to grab ANYTHING - finally I get it and pull as hard as I can over my head - I throw it on the ground and jump up and down on it like its a big nasty spider - I was so pissed off. 
I ALMOST DIED.... I SWEAR I DID!!!!  I know I stopped breathing a couple times.
Not me in the picture (obviously) ....betcha she had NO PROBLEM getting off this bra!!!!

The ANGEL hid my MOMMY CRACK.

The ANGEL hid my MOMMY CRACK.


I went to go get a pedicure.  I'm sitting in the massage chair waiting for the belt sander to come out, and I know they are talking about which one has the ugliest feet, I want to learn Chinese just so I can laugh with them.  The girl next to me gets done and they ask her if she wants a chair massage.  She says "sure how much is it"
"1 dollar 1 minute"
The girl gets on the chair in the middle of the salon and gets a massage, I start thinking $10 for 10 minutes that sounds pretty good.  So I'm watching her and she tells the lady "soft massage" and when she is done her hair is messed a little -she fixes it and off she goes.  They ask the next lady and she says "no" now a little bit of a panic comes into play because its me and another lady almost done and I'm thinking
"does SHE want a massage? am I gonna have to wait for her??  If I have to wait I'm NOT doing it, but it's only 10 minutes - NO......NOT WAITING" <----all this happening in my head
My lady is done and I start moving my shit so the little Chinese lady will ask me if I want a massage - my lady "NO...NO.....NO....you wait" she grabs my stuff and slowly moves me to the "drying table" I start looking around for the little lady, I don't see her, my lady that did the pedicure is saying "$40.00 please"
 I say "can I get a massage?"
lady says "yes, you   pay    her    se-prite" I know that's spelled wrong -that's how it sounds
I say "okay" I give her my credit card and say again "I want a massage"
she took my card and walked away - and started talking to the other ladies - they were probably saying "this damn woman wants a massage and won't SHUT UP"
the little lady comes out and says "you want massage?"
"Yes, please"
she gets my stuff and moves it to where her stuff is.  NOW, I'm 5'9"-ish and everyone in that place is smaller than ME. I get into the massage chair she says "NO - you too big...get up" so I stand back up, this little woman starts rasselin this massage chair like its an animal, I was watching her not knowing if I should help or be afraid....she looks at me "SIT" I sit.  she says "NO STILL TOO BIG" and now I'm thinking (because everyone is watching) am I too fat or to TALL????
another lady yells to the back something.....and now EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT ME.  I'm just smiling lightly and thinking I don't NEED A FUCKING MASSAGE.
This guy comes out from the back room, they start talking all kinds of crazy, probably saying I'm too fat - but then the little lady is talking to the guy and gets on her tippie toes and puts her hand over her head and looks at me - he looks at me too and he says "TOO TALL" and starts rasselin this massage chair then he says to me "you sit"
She says "it good - now" she starts the timer and goes and gets her stool.  I now feel like a freakin GIANT a FAT GIANT.
she whispers in my ear "you want deep or soft"
at this point I want to run out the door screaming, I know everyone is still watching because there is nothing else to fucking look at BUT ME in the middle of the salon.  I say "Medium"
she repeats "medium??"
I say "yes please"
the massage starts and I feel my shirt moving and I'm thinking OH MY GOD MY MOMMY CRACK IS OUT....  I can feel that the top of my crack is out in the open , i start pulling on my shirt to make it stay down I look at the timer and I swear it's NOT MOVING, then ALL OF A SUDDEN she seriously starts beating the living shit out of me, I swear on my life her elbows were in my kidneys, I wanted to scream but instead I tensed up and held my breath.
she bends over and says "you strong girl"
I'm thinking "NO I'M NOT STRONG- you are killing me - and my fucking mommy crack is OUT in the OPEN"
she is on her stool and circling her elbows into my back, -- I probably need this and I'm not stopping her because then I will bring attention to myself and my CRACK, this horrible experience is going on FOREVER, and finally an angel comes over and starts talking to the lady in Chinese but the reason she is an angel??? she holds my shirt down so no one can see my MOMMY CRACK, I'm completely mortified that she is doing it - but all I do is lift my head and say "THANK YOU" the timer goes off 3 minutes later - I lift my head and I look like .....well.....you KNOW.....I tried fixing myself but really there was no use.  I pulled my pants up and off I went.... .NEVER....EVER doing that AGAIN!!!!!

smell a WHORE?????

Smell a WHORE!!!

Pick up Dawson (youngest) from the bike park and Devon (oldest) and I are having a conversation about relationships.  Dawson has his ear-candy or whatever the hell its called in his ears and the music is so loud that I give him the "REALLY???WHAT THE HELL???" look, of course he doesn't turn it down so Devon and I continue.....
Devon- "have you been in an abusive relationship?"
Me - "not the hitting kind- but I might-of hit a couple times"
Devon - "thank goodness dad doesn't abuse you."
the music is buggin and Dawson is looking out the window so he doesnt even catch the evil eye.
Me- "yeah that would go over like a POOP IN CHURCH"
a pause......
Devon - "YOU MEAN a WHORE IN CHURCH"
pause....
Me - "NOPE, you can smell the POOP....so I MEAN POOP IN CHURCH"
pause......
DAWSON - "pretty sure you can smell the WHORE TOO"

GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!!!!!

Not saying Pat's (SNL) a Whore, just LOVE THIS PICTURE!!!!

ROADY IS A GIRL....Stupid Petsnart

ROADY IS A GIRL




One morning I went into the office to get my set ready for work and Roady (short for Road Kill) was at his door wanting me to let him out, and acting sick, so I talk to my pet's (TOTAL whack job) anyways I told Roady that I couldn't let him out right now because I had to much going on this morning.  So he went and laid on his piece of Granite that he has to stay cool, I gave him a pet and told him that I would come home and let him out.  SO I get home and when I walk into the room I always say "Roady" and he comes out from wherever he is to see me, well I said his name and nothing, so I said it again and went over to his cage.  Well he has this little igloo house in there and he sticks his head out and it's soaking wet (ok another thing about chinchillas is that they CAN'T get wet, they take baths in volcano ash and it's called a dust bath) so I completely FREAKED out thinking OH SHIT 1 of the dogs got Roady, because he was hiding in the igloo and wet and wouldn't come out, not to mention the noises....little scared noises, so as I'm getting the dust bath ready I'm thinking..... the dogs can't get him in this cage....what's wrong with him.  So I put his bath thingy in and usually when I do that he runs to take a bath (chinchillas love bath time) nothing not even his head popping out of the igloo......so I lift the igloo up and there are 3 babies chinchillas with Roady.... I was sitting there saying to myself in the state of shock "Do male chinchillas have babies?"  I put the igloo down and get on the internet, (Roady is NOW a SHE) she is running around her cage and wet so she gets in her bath and takes a bath, and 1 of the babies comes out of the igloo (Ugly, Scary babies) and I'm freaking out with her, so I'm reading as fast as I can and it says, make sure that you don't give your Female Chinchilla a bath 7-10 days before birth and then 7-10 days after.....OH GREAT!!!!!  so I get the bath out and it says if they have any volcano ash on them wipe it off because it will irritate the babies eyes....ARE YOU KIDDIN ME???......so I grab Roady and try to wipe off ALL the volcano dust.  and OF COURSE Devon is reading everything right behind me and he is commenting on everything that I'm doing WRONG.  "Mom get the shavings out they need to be on newspaper, Mom get the newspaper"
"Devon I don't have a newspaper."
"Mom she can't have all of her levels in her cage, you need to take them out"
So I run to Safeway and get the paper come in and get gloves on and get all the shavings out and put newspaper down and take all her levels out so she doesn't take them to the top of her cage and drop them off, and I moved the babies back into the igloo.  By this time I was a train wreck, I was dripping with sweat and hoping that these babies live because I didn't do anything right.
I then called an Emergency vet and the lady told me that I have done everything I could and that I need to put a blanket over the cage and let mother nature take it's course, even if Roady eats them......Can I have a BEER??

How the Chinchilla's Came into my life :)

 

 

THIS WAS 5 YEARS AGO...........

I was on the freeway traffic was flying.  I see this thing hopping down the side of the road I have my kids, Devon –12 years old, Dawson – 9 years old, and my cousin Marley who is 11 yrs old in the back of the car.  So I go around the block and decide I can't let this thing get hit. I had been reading books about saving animals, the man in the books saved Lions and elephants and such: but I'm starting with this thing that is in the road.  I see it and I stop my car turn on my hazards and get out to catch this thing.  At this point I think I know it's a Chinchilla, I don’t know HOW I know this but I just do, but I know nothing else.  He is hopping all over the street in and out of traffic and people are still going 55 MPH so the kids are hanging out of the car trying to tell me where it is and I'm yelling at them and trying to chase this thing.  So I say to myself if my husband saw what I was doing right now I would be in BIG trouble, because NO one at this time is in a safe predicament. 
 
I get back into my car and as I go to shut my door I see his little face look up at me and twitch his little nose.  All of a sudden all the doors bust open because the kids know that I'm leaving and they are not letting that happen.  Now all the doors are open everyone BUT Devon is out of the car because, like his dad he is Mr. Safety.  Marley has her camera phone and is trying to take pictures but every time it comes near her she screams as loud as she can.  Dawson is running around the truck like a freakin crazy man Devon is hanging out of every window trying to tell us where he was and all I'm thinking is if my husband saw me I would be in trouble and people were STILL going 55 MPH.  All of a sudden I just picked it up and told everyone to get into the car.  We piled in and I say, "don't tell your dad what just happened or I will be in trouble". 
Dave passes me on the other side.  Not, knowing that he had passed by I call him and say
”I found a Chinchilla"
and he said "how I just passed you" 
Huh...... Huh "it was running on the freeway"
"how did you catch him?"
"well I had to stop the car and I know I'm in trouble but he is SOOOO cute"
he says "what's a Chinchilla some kind of lizard?"
"Dave I don't think I would be chasing a LIZARD down the freeway"
I let him go because I suppose to be meeting my Aunt at Wal-Mart because she was taking the kids to my moms. 
Marley says "I will hold it (because my other cousin (Amanda) Marley's sister has rats)  I hold my sister's rats all the time" 
"OK!!!!, I'm going to run in to Wal-mart and grab something to put it in, whatever you do don't let it go in my truck"
So while I'm running threw Wal-Mart Devon is quick behind me so quick that he steps on the back of my flip-flop and I go flying, lucky catching myself before I hit the floor, I whipped my head around so fast and gave him the "back off SUCKER" look.  Then I said "please go get a cart and meet me at the pet part,"  I start a little bit of a jog to get there and Devon is soon to follow.  I'm looking for things that have Chinchilla's on it....like houses, food ....anything.  NOTHING!!!!  So Devon starts in on me
"Mom you need to hurry"
"I know Devon, I'm going to call Aunt Shelly and let her know what's going on"  and I'm thinking she will tell me what to get she baby-sits the rats all the time.  SO I tell her the brief story and all she says is
"where is it NOW"
"Marley has it in the car"  Holy Crap wrong thing to say, my aunt is a little bit on the LOUD-DRAMA side of things.
"I can't believe you are letting my daughter hold that thing, are you sure it's a Chinchilla?"  I had nothing...... I start thinking “am I sure not really, oh my what did I just pick up out of the road”.  As I'm thinking this she is yelling "it might have rabies, or some kind of disease and you let my daughter hold it?....I'll be there in a minute."
Devon is now just staring because he heard Everything she had just said.  "Now what?" he says to me
I then grabbed a big aquarium asked the guy in the isle what do you feed a Chinchilla and he gave me freakin gerbil food and we started running again.
In my head I'm thinking what if it has rabies or a disease, am I stupid, has it bit her and the biggest question of all is ....Did it bite her and she let it go in my truck!!!!
I get to the car and everyone is fine.
My Aunt comes as Dawson is petting it to sleep and says how cute it is and leaves with the kids.  But before she leaves she says "what are you going to name it?"
Devon says "road kill"  everyone starts laughing,
So it's me and Road Kill and I take him to Petsmart they tell me it's a boy and ALL the stuff I need, which is a lot!!!!  But he is still sleeping a lot and just letting everyone hold him, The lady says to me "you need a cage"
Earlier my aunt had called and said I found a cage for $5 at a garage sale do you want it?"
"Yes"
I tell the lady "No cage I have one on its way"
"When are you going to have it because this won't hold him, they jump 5 ft into the air, they are in the Kangaroo family."
"No this will work for now, Thanks"
Dave comes home and all he says is "that's an overgrown RAT” He barely touches him and we leave for dinner with him in his aquarium and the door to the office shut "JUST IN CASE"
When we got home the office was a MESS he obviously felt better and decided to check everything out.  I had POOP everywhere and still after 2 weeks I was finding it. 

A little about me.......

Hello my name is Megan, my life is this, I have a husband of almost 16 years, 2 boys, 17 & 14, 4 saint Bernards House 7?? (who was left in a foreclosure) and Luma 3??? (was given to the Saint Bernard rescue due to a divorce), DJ 5 months - to help me get through the loss of my beloved Titan that passed suddenly Aug 22, 2011 & Gunny 8? my foster dog (stray??). 3 Chinchillas, Zena, Stuart Little & Baby Grey a couple of fish, (1 died last night so I need to go get another one). My punctuation on my blog will probably not be perfect, but I'm NO WHERE close to being an English major.  I'm gonna write about what happens in my day, sometimes I will use BAD words, but that is who I AM!!! I'm 33 years old, not really- but I liked 33 so I'm staying there.  It gets me into trouble sometimes when I'm at the Dr.'s office and they say "how old are you" and right off the bat I lie and say "33" and they look at me like - damn woman you just lied to my face, they correct me "hum, well that doesn't match with the year on this paper" I look confused "well what does that say?"  I have 2 teenagers, this makes life....HUM.....LOUD???  This one is a screamer, but don't get all crazy with that, they don't listen to my screaming anyways.  OK well signing off for now, we shall see how this goes....

~Tales of a 30-something

So you crashed the truck for NOTHING????

I LOVE cows, rabbits, bulls, horse, dogs, deer, moose, elk.....you get what I'm saying????  I talk to animals - let's see if I can describe this better - if the cows by my house are by the fence I will roll down the window to talk to them.  If I'm at a light and I see prairie dogs - I roll down the window and say "HI" to them.  I was driving by the prairie dog community -  3 guys with a big truck and a tube  were shoving the tube down into this hole - what I SAW were 3 BIG HUGE BULLIES sucking our prairie dog community, and the light was green so I couldn't stop and ask. So I honked and they looked up at me - my windows were up. I wasn't thinking, I was yelling and they had NO CLUE what I was saying, I ran right up into the median, and my wheel made a bad sound.  I look back and they are all still staring at the crazy lady that is yelling through her windows and almost crashed her truck.  Now the truck is wobbling so I had to tell Dave...UGH!!!!
Me- "Hi honey" waiting to see what mood he is in
Dave- "Hi honey, how are you?"
Me- he is in a good mood "Well, you know how I LOVE the prairie dogs?"
Dave "Yes! WHY??? Did one try and commit suicide again?" I had called Dave last week because a prairie dog had ran into the street and his family and friends were on the side of the street yelling at him (this is NOT A JOKE) trying to get him to come back home - I don't know what happened I couldn't bare to go back and look - TO ME - they talked him back and everyone went and had a prairie dog meeting.
Me- "NO THIS IS WAYYYYYYYYY WORSE"
Dave - "what??"
Me - "these guys are in the field pumping them out of the ground with a big truck and tube."
Dave "are you sure"
Me- "YES, I was yelling at the the men and I ran up the median - where are they going to take my prair........"
Dave "WAIT WHAT????  Go back to running up the median"
Me- :( DAMNIT " I wasn't looking and I ran the truck up and over the median - it's a little wobbly"
Dave - "what's a LITTLE WOBBLY??"
Me - "the steering wheel is shaking a little"
Dave "DAMNIT WOMAN (that's my second name) what the hell are you doing?"
Me - "It's fine...think about the PRAIRIE DOGS THAT ARE BEING PUMPED OUT OF THE GROUND!!!!!"
Dave "I don't give a shit about them...."
Me - "HUGE GASP - REALLY DAVE????  REALLY????"
Dave - "dont drive the truck until I get home"
Me - "PFTTTTTT - FINE!!!!"
I go home and wait for him to come home from work.  He's not in a good mood and frankly I'm not either because he doesn't care about the little community that I see everyday I drive by.  He tells me to go get it fixed in the morning and "PAY ATTENTION"
I go in the morning and get the tire fixed, and decide to drive by the scene of this horrible crime..... and they were there -all of my little prairie dogs were eating the grass and the babies were hiding and I was happy :) the workers were putting in some water pipe or something, I was gonna call Dave and tell him - but he doesn't like the prairie dog community so I DIDN'T.  Few WEEKS later we were driving by and I rolled down my window to say "HI"
Dave - "I thought you said they all got sucked up."
Me - "yes, that's what you would've liked RIGHT???"
Dave - "WHAT???"
Me - "you don't like them so I didn't tell you that they weren't sucked up"
Dave "so you crashed the truck for nothing?"
Me- "yep!!!"
Dave "DAMN WOMAN"

Look at that picture....they are SO DAMN CUTE!!!

MY DEAREST FRIENDS.

CHUCK.....CHUCK the stupid F&%K!!!

Sometime in 2007

 

We went tubing down the Arkansas River in Pueblo.

So a couple of weeks ago I was reading the Gazette, it showed a guy floating down the river with NO cares in the world and I thought to myself WOW my family would LOVE that!!!!   I told my neighbor about it and she said "lets do it on Tues. morning I have a dentist appointment at 3:30 I should make it back by then, OKAY!!! " 

 Tues. morning is here Dave says "call Debbie we need to go early because it's going to be 105 degrees in Pueblo and we want to get down there early."

I call Debbie KNOWING that she is NOT a morning person, and it's 7:15ish..... she answers the phone and I just start talking not knowing that she is still asleep, at the end of me talking she says "what time?"
I said "Dave wants to leave by 8:15, it's going to be HOT today"
she says "ok "...with a grumble and we hang up
So, I start reading the article again and I realize that it says that they only rent tubes on Sat. & Sun.  I call the number on the paper, some guy answers the phone like I woke him up.....I said "Hello I must have the wrong number I'm looking for the Nature Center."
He say "No..no...no you got the Nature Center."
"Did I wake you up?"  I said
"yeah, that's ok, if you are reading out of the Gazette they have the wrong directions."  he then tells me the right ones....
and I say "so are you renting tubes today?"
"oh yeah, I'll be there at 10:00" he says still half asleep.
"ok we will be there."  I said VERY excited about my day!!!  But when I read the article some more I realized that there was NO shuttle so you had 3 options, have another car there, rent a bike or walk back!!!!  Debbie is going so we will have 2 cars!!!
The phone rings "what did you say to me a minute ago?"  Debbie says now a little bit more awake but not really.
"I said we have to leave at 8:15."
" go without us".....then at least 50 reasons why she wasn't going
I say back to her "ok....we will leave at 8:30 tell your kids to get going and we will leave then."  after tackling all the 50 objections she said , she would be at our house at 8:30.

When she arrives I know that she is going to be cranking, she is not a morning person, just like I get cranking at night because I'm not a night person.  All she says to me with her head down and scooting her shoes up the driveway is "really 7:15AM ?"  (that's when I called her the 1st time)

We drive down there NO problems everyone in our car is singing and Debbie is behind us and we are flying down the Highway NO traffic, life is GOOD!!  We get there at 9:40ish and we ask some lady where the rentals are, she tells us and says "I will go call Chuck he is always late."  but I'm thinking well sister I already called him this morning I woke him up he will be here!!!!

10:15 Chuck finally  shows up.  Debbie and I both see the ankle bracelet that he is wearing,  Now let me set this up a little bit.  Debbie and I have NO patients at all and when you have 2 women that are not patient, 4 boys and then Dave who is talking to anyone and everyone that comes by, sitting in front of the garage waiting for Chuck for 35 minutes things aren't looking to good for Chuck!!!!.  Not to mention there is 4 people in front of us and then now a crowd forming waiting for Chuck.  Chuck opens this little garage,  it has so much shit in it that he can't walk in he is taking things out 1 at a time to get to the tubes, Dave knows that I'm going to open my mouth at some point so to avoid that he offers to help and Chuck says no.  Okay so the people in front of us is 4 tubes.......we are 7 tubes.  Chuck figures out he doesn't have enough tubes so he walks back to his van and gets more tubes.  Now I'm mad......if you are running a business and people are paying for tubes damnit have your shit ready at 10:00.

So now he is getting air in all of these tubes, which seems like forever, the kids are now fighting on the play ground with some other kids and rocks are flying everywhere.  So Debbie starts yelling at them to knock it off and I'm sitting there calling Chuck a lot of BAD words.  He finally gives us our tubes and then starts telling us what to watch out for, but he has NO ones attention because now it's 11:15 and we are hot and pissed off!!!!  So Dave says he has a way to get all the tubes on the suburban and tie them off, well after that kicks his ass for about 10 minutes in the HOT....HOT parking lot, he gets it where he wants it and one of the tubes POP!!!!  All you hear is air hissing, I said the tube just popped.......Oh my gosh, you have never heard so many bad words fly out of my husband mouth, and I'm not talkin under his breath, he was SCREAMING them!!!!  We untie everything and get that one out of the middle, Debbie takes it back to Chuck.  Dave and I get the tubes tied back up and we drive over to where Debbie is.  Chuck is re-patching it AGAIN!!!!  It is now 11:45 we get the tube from Chuck and we are all now dieing from the heat.  We pile in the truck ....and you can hear the air coming out of the tube, I now wanted to hurt Chuck in VERY bad ways.  Debbie say "I don't think I'm making my dentist appt."  So Dave drives to town and goes to Discount Tire....NO TUBES!!!  We then go to Auto Nation or something and he gets the tube, we then go to the gas station and blow it up, put it into the car and we are now on our way!!!!  Dave's the MAN. 

We get to the "put in"  Dave ties everyone up who wants to be tied up...which is Dave, Matthew & Andrew.  Dawson can do it on his own and Devon well ......Devon should do it on his own!  Oh...Oh....Oh don't forget the cooler that Dave had to bring, that now has water. pop and a Ziploc bag of cherries with the keys to both cars in it!  Off we go it was very pleasant, you know the usual Devon whining because we are going faster then him Dawson getting upset because we are leaving his brother....the stuff that you can block out and lay your head back and get some sun.  The 7 of us are floating and Debbie kind-of falls back and she is sunbathing in her tube, I have Devon close to me and Dave is tied up to the 3 boys (Dawson wanted to get tied up because it was a little scary in some parts).

 I see a tree in the water and I mean the whole tree, I don't remember Chuck talking about a tree, so I start yelling "tree.....tree"  I then look at Devon and say "paddle"  all of us start paddling except for Debbie who is catching the rays, the water started flowing really fast and I was looking back at Dave and knew that there was NO way he would get those boys away from the tree.  At this point we are all screaming and I can see Debbie pick her head up, Devon is crying and screaming VERY loudly and then we hit the tree Dave hits first and all the boys are yelling, all of a sudden "BANG" Dave's tube pops, and then I yell at Devon "don't hit the tree," so he puts his hands out and is crying the other boys start crying and Debbie is trying to get to us.  Dave was screaming stuff at me but the water was so strong that it kept pulling me down and Devon was out of control at this time, I hear this small voice come up "everyone calm down it's ok" Debbie says to Dave, once I heard her voice I no longer listened to what was happening over there I had to figure out how to get Devon out of here.  I started feeling around the tree, "Devon I feel a branch, put your tube over the tree and hold on to it, then climb on the branch and get yourself over the tree." 
"I can't do it....I can't do it"  he says
I looked at him and said "there is NO other way."  So I helped him up trying to keep my head up because I'm now in the middle of the tube and the water is pulling on me hard.  He gets over and in the tube, "I tell him to calm down and don't let go of the tree until I tell you to, everything is going to be OK."  I then realize that Dave has taken the kids out of the tree and has got them to a safe place, Debbie is now in the tree holding the cooler and is stuck not on the tree but if you don't know Debbie she is 5"2' and under a 100lbs so she is holding on to the cooler with her life and can't get out of the tree branches, so I pull myself to her and she says "we have to get Dave's tube out of the tree."  I start pulling on the tube Dave is yelling at me "I'm coming just get out of the tree."  I finally get the tube out, Dave says "go under that branch" so I went under the branch and I was free I yelled at Devon to let go and Debbie then went under the branch.  Dave jumped into the water to catch us because we were still going pretty fast, he grabbed the cooler from Debbie and Devon wasn't paddling over to the side, so I went to him he was still crying so he couldn't paddle.  Dave had to swim to get us because we were passing him.  He gave me the cooler and grabbed the tubes and tried to stop us, I flipped over and tried to help but when I did that the cooler opened and all of our waters, pops and cherries with keys started floating down the river, I started screaming "David....David"  Devon reached his hand out and got the bag of cherries not even knowing that the keys were in the bag just that "oh moms cherries"
We were all OK now, very tired and really trying to figure out what just happened, we rearranged the tubing and put Matthew on Debbie and down we went again.  We got to the end at 2:40 this was a very long day.  The kids all had their own story of what happened and Dave admitted to me that he really thought that it wasn't going to be good after we hit the tree, he thought we were going to have to be rescued.  Andrew said that he thought we were going to die FOR SURE.  Devon said that he would NEVER do that again. Matthew and Dawson both said that they would do it again. and for Debbie and I.......we said we are getting our own tubes, because we NEVER want to see Chuck the stupid FUCK again!!!!  EVER!!!!  We got home at 5:00 now it's time for this day to end......Thank the good lord for that!!!!!

Don't discuss "MOMMY PORN" in the middle of Costco...

Go to the store to get my LAST “shades of GREY” book, and the guy at the register decides that he wants to ask questions about the book….OH MY GOD ……REALLY??? You want to talk about THIS book??? he says “so is it everything THEY say it is??”
OH SHIT “well – I guess it depends on who you are talking too”
he looks at me puzzled “do you think I would get into trouble if my girlfriend found ME reading this????”
why because it’s mommy porn??? where are we going with this??? “I dont know, I wanted my husband to read SOME PARTS”
his eyes get BIG “You know, we are all the same – man and woman – we are the same”
I got nothing but a confused smile on my face.
“enjoy your book, hope you get to relax and read it”
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?????
 

Everyone swims with their KOI!!!

Dave and dad talking about Dave's pond.
Dave "I'm gonna dig a pond deep enough the I can snorkel with my koi"
Dad-"okay dave"
REALLY???  you are REALLY having this conversation???

Go get a drink, sit down - this is long.
Getting ready for a dog walk, all dogs are going crazy - knowing it's time. Get Gunny's gentle leader on - DJ gets his halter on (it takes an hour-such a pain) House just gets his leash on (easy) Luma has her ball (that's her leash). We go out front and I forgot to get poop bags - I run back in and the phone rings, Devon says "I need someone to pick me up and take Alanna Strong home"
I'm thinking "SHIT" I say "okay your dad is on his way"
I go outside and say "you need to get Devon P. Foster & Alanna"
he turns around and starts bringing in the dogs, I say "no, I'm going to take them" he hates going on the walks anyways so I figure I will get it out of the way.
he says "That's stupid, just wait for me to come back - you cant walk all these dog's" as he is talking I'm taking the leashes from him.
"I can do it"
he goes inside grabs his keys, comes back out and says "WAIT FOR ME TO COME BACK"
I'm thinking "NO it's already 9:30, I'm NOT WAITING"
I say "I'm fine" as DJ wraps around my legs and I cant move, Gunny and House are pulling on me to go - and Luma just wants me to throw the DAMN BALL!!!!
David Foster leaves and I tell myself - I can do this - 400 pounds of dogs - NO PROBLEM!
We head off it's totally fine I'm kicking the DAMN BALL every time I come to it and the 3 boys are pulling me - DJ starts to run so all the dogs start a trotting/run, I'm thinking "COOL i will get them tired fast - if they run" we pass a tree that I forgot House pee's on every time. HOLY CRAP House stops and the DJ & Gunny keep going my arms go out both ways and my legs follow - like a star - I get mad now, and tell myself again "I can do this - just get to the park" we get the park and everyone does what they normally do play, run, chase the DAMN BALL - usually I bring 2 balls b/c Luma likes to chase them and House likes to destroy them and play keep away, but I didn't bring 2 - so I throw the ball enough that luma needs a break and House gets it - wrestle House until he gives it up and now he wants to chase it. Gunny and DJ are wrestling and DJ is holding Gunny's leash so I let go - House and Luma are waiting for me to throw the ball. It's PITCH BLACK OUT. I throw the ball, House all of a sudden see's "SOMETHING" and starts barking and running the other direction, Luma goes after the ball and Gunny and DJ know something is up by the sound of the bark and start running to catch up with House.
A couple of nights ago a black dog tried to start a fight with my dogs to the point Dave had to throw a shoe at it to go away, so I'm thinking HOLY FREAKIN CRAP IT'S THAT DOG, but you cant see anything - what does House see? I grab the leashes of Gunny & DJ and I'm yelling at House to "STOP" he doesnt listen now Gunny is barking and running and I still cant see what the hell they are going after but this is going through my mind......
Is this dog going to fight all my dogs
I'm going to get hurt because I will get in the middle
I'm actually running with Gunny & DJ and now Luma has caught up - so I'm bringing this fight to this whatever it is
I scream again - and this scream is NO ordinary scream this is "I'm so scared that my vocal cords are in my ass scream" the sound scares Gunny and he drops so I let go of him and keep running after House the sound happens again "HOUSE STOP" he stops he looks around there is NOTHING - I cant breathe I'm so scared now all dogs are with me, I grap all the leashes and the ball I start walking home....never going by myself AGAIN
Come to find out the next day that there was a bear in the neighborhood. that would've been a crazier story!!!

GUNNY- why at 2AM????

Gunny (our Foster dog) is 8-ish years old small Saint that has a breathing/choking problem usually at about 2am. you are in your "GOOD SLEEP" and all of a sudden you are woken up by this horrible sound and it doesn't stop.  WHY at 2am???  What the hell happens that at 2AM the dog cant breath???  and is it that he cant breath???  What the crap is it????  I have sat with him but now I push him out of my room and tell him to go somewhere else to die (he's NOT going to die, he is just going to make that noise for a good 5-6 minutes so go somewhere else)  It's bad when Dave is waking up...Dave doesnt wake up for nothing....but it could be because I'm SCREAMING....GUNNY GET THE FUCK OUT.....GET OUT OF MY ROOM.  that might be why he is waking up :)